Disclaimer: This article contains minor information Night teeth spoilers. You might want to wait to sink your teeth into this room until you’ve seen the movie.
Night teeth, Netflix’s new vampire horror film that started airing today, had such potential. First of all, the vampires? Absolutely yes. But, more importantly, the Night teeth The trailer and promotional material promised that this wasn’t just any vampire movie, it was a vampire movie starring none other than Megan Fox, Sydney Sweeney, and Debby Ryan. With a cast like that wearing their fangs, there’s no way Night teeth could be missing… right?
Unfortunately, wrong. Because even though Debby Ryan is definitely killing you, you should know before you watch Night teeth that this is not the “Megan Fox and Sydney Sweeney vampire movie” you are looking for. Because at the end of the film’s 108 minutes, Fox and Sweeney were featured in a total of one (1) scene. And honestly? I feel cheated.
The premise of Night teeth is: Benny (Jorge Lendeborg Jr.) is a college student who decides one evening to make some extra money by replacing his brother as a professional driver. Unfortunately for him, the women he’s assigned to drive for the night – Blaire (played by Debby Ryan) and Zoe (Lucy Fry) – turn out to be vampires. And these are not just any vampires: they are vampires who work for an evil vampire named Victor (Game Of Thrones actor Alfie Allen), who deliberately breaks the truce that keeps the peace between vampires and humans in a suburb of Los Angeles.
This is where Fox and Sweeney come in, in their too short scene, about 35 minutes after the start of the film. Their vampire names are Grace (Fox) and Eva (Sweeney), and they are apparently Victor’s vampire bosses. When Victor bursts into their luxury home, they let him know that because he broke the truce by killing a human, they must either kill him or banish him from the area.
“Do you think I’m not frustrated? Fox asks him. “Do you think when my pool boy leaves a sheet in the pool I don’t want to turn him upside down and suck him off?” But if I throw a fit every time someone gets on my nerves, what does it do to me? “
“A man,” Sweeney suggests with a smirk.
“Stupid as shit,” Fox corrected her.
“Like I said,” Sweeney replies.
It’s a good scene, made even better by the fact that Fox wears a sheer, shiny cape and sips a blood martini. I repeat: Megan Fox wears a cape. While the rest of the movie is pretty disappointing, it could all be worth it for Fox’s vampire aesthetic alone.
But then, just as you start to fall in love with these new characters, they are, spoiler alert, unceremoniously killed in an offscreen death. That’s right, you don’t even get the chance to see Megan Fox and Sydney Sweeney kick their asses like vampires! We’re just supposed to believe Theon Greyjoy somehow overpowered these two queens? Let’s go.
No matter what you think of her relationship with Machine Gun Kelly, I think we can all agree: if Megan Fox plays a vampire in your movie, the entire movie should feature Megan Fox as a vampire. Or fifty percent, at the very least. No shade for Debby Ryan and the rest of the talented Night teeth casting, sure, but for me this one was a bummer. Too bad. At least we’ll always have Megan Fox in a cape.
To concern Night teeth on Netflix