Almost invariably, a stranger will say something like, “For me? Oh, you shouldn’t have! or “Roses, my favorite!” How nice of you!” If this happens in an elevator, where we’re all stuck for a minute or two, I’ve even had the other person try to take the gift out of my hands (on several occasions) .
I never know how to react in these situations. I am aware that the other person sees this as an attempt at humor and I do not wish to cause a scene. But it makes me uncomfortable, especially in the elevator scenario.
What is your suggestion for an appropriate response?
An appropriate response for someone trying to grab something of yours in an elevator, it’s, “Get your hands off my property.” » Miss Manners might say a “please” in acknowledgment of the pleasant intention.
There’s no need to even acknowledge these equally unfunny remarks. But you might respond to “You shouldn’t have” with “Well, I didn’t” and to “How nice of you” with “I hope the recipient thinks so.” “.
Dear Miss Manners: To my knowledge, it is a long-standing tradition for family and friends to wear black clothing to a wake and/or funeral. Over the years, I noticed that fewer and fewer people strictly followed this practice.
My wife usually tries to get me to wear black, even during a brief visit to a wake or informal service for someone we don’t know very well, like a friend’s parent. Although I prefer to be respectful and follow tradition when attending funerals (I normally wear a dark suit), I see no problem with people dressing neatly, perhaps wearing subdued colors other than the black, especially during a funeral wake.
Is it okay to “relax” a little during these events?
The funerals have become lighter considerably, and not just when it comes to dress code: if you don’t want your friends to tell jokes at your expense, it would be better not to die at all. This appears to be a deliberate departure from traditional somber funerals, which are sometimes impersonal or insincere. But we still sometimes see examples of the appropriate form – notably at the funerals of national leaders.
When you attend the televised funeral of a high-ranking official, everyone present will be dressed in black, in keeping with the symbolism of mourning. Speeches will be personalized with occasional light touches, but primarily focused on the person’s contributions to society. Miss Manners finds it difficult to understand why citizens would not want to extend the same dignity to one another.
New Miss Manners columns are published Monday to Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners on her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
