I especially don’t understand when a campaign exceeds its goal and people continue to donate, rather than moving the money to another cause – or the organizer shuts down. I understand the financial burden that a tragic event can cause, but where is the limit?
Socially acceptable? Said who?
Well, greedy people who are perfectly creditworthy but want more and expect to get it from acquaintances, friends and strangers, that’s who. Oddly enough, they are not the arbiters of good behavior.
Miss Manners, who is, recognizes that begging can be the last resort of people in desperate situations, or that generous people can organize relief for victims of tragedy. But there are also the “for everything and everything” demands: those who have dreams they cannot afford – a trip, a lavish wedding – and want others to finance. Or, as you point out, those who continue to solicit money for a solved problem.
No, these efforts are not socially acceptable. But they are socially ignored. Your charitable donations should go to the causes you deem most worthy of help, and you should resist bullying from those who simply consider themselves worthy.
Dear Miss Manners: We are seeking your feedback on whether it is acceptable to issue (and accept) wedding invitations after the first batch has been sent.
We received an invitation to a local wedding, and it was clear from the calendar and information posted on the couple’s website that most of the invitations were sent out much earlier. We would like to attend, but my wife is concerned that there may be something inappropriate about not being on the initial invitation list.
I think it makes sense that we are backup guests. The bride and our daughter were best friends in elementary school, and our families grew closer and spent vacations together. The girls grew apart in middle school, as did the adult friendship. But we have fond memories of the bride and her family.
It is regrettable that social media posts have made so many things known that shouldn’t be.
For hosts, having a B-list is not a mistake; It’s almost impossible to predict how many invitations will be accepted, and it’s a good idea to include more when there is room.
But making it known who is on the B list is a mistake. Since guests must respond immediately (this is Miss Manners living in a dream world), batches of invitations should not be sent more than a week apart.
However, it is not an insult to discover that distant friends would like to have you, but give priority to the closest ones. Whether you attend will depend on your feelings about them – whether you still love them and their daughter enough to be part of their family event.
New Miss Manners columns are published Monday to Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners on her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
