Rather than saying Allowing you to move backwards in, or out based on age, gender, or any other factor you can instantly discern among your traveling companions, Miss Manners will give you a guiding principle:
Don’t create blockages. Therefore, do not block the entrance to the elevator car so that people leaving it have to go around you. Once inside, do not stand in front if others are boarding. If you do not go down to a particular floor, do not interfere with those who do. The principle even replaces conventional polite gestures. For example, although it would be lovely to let an older person go out first, don’t do it if your action prevents others from going out.
Dear Miss Manners: What exactly is a “pocket notebook”? I always thought it was a women’s wallet, but does it refer to the whole purse/handbag instead?
Yes, that means the reticle – another term you probably don’t know. But because “pocket notebook” was also used to refer to pocket-sized books (and slang meaning Miss Manners won’t repeat it), it has all but fallen out of use in its original meaning.
Dear Miss Manners: Most of my extended family lives a few states away from mine. One relative in particular has a nice big house and wonderful hosting skills. They always insist that we stay with them when we’re in town, and we love doing it, especially since we can spend all our time with family rather than in a hotel room. We are always treated wonderfully when we are there.
My problem is that I don’t know how to pay them back. I’ve sometimes convinced them to let me take them out to dinner and sent them tokens of appreciation, but it never seems enough. It is not possible for us to bring anything as we are traveling by plane. Is it rude to bring gift cards for a local store they frequent? Do you have any other ideas?
take them out, Offering help, not being a nuisance, sending gifts – and, of course, reciprocating when possible – are all good ways to thank hosts. But there is an extremely effective and almost free way to do this – one that many people, including you, tend to overlook or dismiss: write them a letter explaining what these visits mean to you. Not just a thank you letter for each stay, but a general summary of how much fun they give you, how much you admire their way of living, and how they have improved your life.
In other words, the kinds of things you’d say about them if they’d just died. Instead, you’ll give them the pleasure of knowing how much you appreciate them.
New Miss Manners columns are published Monday to Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners on her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
