We just got married and moved into a house that needs furniture. I think he shouldn’t accept the gift if it’s related to how she wants it to be spent. I think the money should be used to buy basic necessities. There are a lot of things we need and want. Clothing is not one of them – mostly clothing valued at $ 1,200.
I don’t feel respected by his family. I work really hard to support us, and having them dictate how to spend a cash donation creates a huge wedge between us. Am I overthinking this?
You think about it.
Every time Miss Manners thinks she’s completed her list of reasons for not liking cash as a gift, one Gentle Reader is kind enough to provide another.
The label attributes the choice of gift to the donor, but frowns on the conditions attached. (The difference between a suggestion and a condition is left to the reader to determine.)
The label also recognizes the recipient as the recipient. If your husband had received a box of chocolates, he would have been considerate of him to give you some – precisely because he didn’t have to.
As you and your sister-in-law are at fault, Miss Manners will address your husband and suggest that it will be easier for him if, in the future, when his sister wants to spoil him, she precedes him with a phone call. private so that she can give a real gift.
Dear Miss Manners: My mother passed away seven years ago. Her 90-year-old sister is the only surviving family member of her generation. She and my mother were not close and I did not have a good relationship with my aunt.
When my aunt passes away, am I, as the oldest member of the next generation, obligated to send flowers or donate to her designated charity? If so, can I send it on behalf of his sister, my mother, even though she is deceased? Or can I just send a quick note to my cousin, with whom I am not close, offering her my sympathy?
My mother was a model of good manners and I felt obligated to make sure that she would be well represented.
You are right represent your mother’s feelings, rather than your own, when your aunt died. But the name at the bottom must be yours: anything that appears to be from your deceased mother will be alarming and could be seen as disrespectful as well.
Write a letter to your cousin expressing your own condolences. While these letters are usually not long, there will be plenty of room to include the kind words you think your mom would have said to mark the occasion.
