I understand that people think they’re just making conversation, but it’s rude at best, and increasingly insulting as you go down the line of girls who had to be “tolerated” for have the golden son. This infuriated my father so much that he started saying, “No, I really like having sex with my wife” in order to shock people into silence. It was effective, but equally crude.
Can you provide an answer that would answer the question truthfully (they weren’t trying to have a boy, they just loved having a big family) and politely, while also giving an indication that the question itself is insulting and intrusive?
“I’m not sure I have to understand. Of course they wanted all of us. Could you explain to me exactly why you think otherwise?
Miss Manners hopes that feigning this kind of ignorance will be enough to make rude people realize how rude they are. What if they have the audacity to continue? At least you’ll have fun watching them stumble over a clumsy explanation.
Dear Miss Manners: What is the appropriate response when a coworker says they are going to take time off, but doesn’t say why? I tend to say something like, “I hope you enjoy your time off,” but for all I know, maybe they’re taking time off for a funeral or some other unfortunate event. It seems rude not to say anything, especially since I work in an industry that doesn’t encourage people to take time off.
I don’t like this aspect of my work culture and want to support people using their vacation/time off. But I also don’t want to say something insensitive. So, what do you suggest I say?
What would you say be supportive by recognizing that how they spend their free time is none of your business? If you’d like to help, Miss Manners suggests asking, “Is there anything you need me to do while you’re gone?”
Dear Miss Manners: I was diagnosed with a rare and very aggressive form of cancer, which is stage 4 and has spread to multiple organs. Due to its rarity, little research has been done and the prognosis is poor.
I have been blessed to have a ton of support from family and friends with meals, prayers, calls, letters, etc. And while I have immense appreciation, I never know how best to respond to well-wishers who say things like, “You’ll beat this, I just know you will” or “With modern medicine, you’re sure to get out of it. »
I don’t want to go into a detailed explanation of my diagnosis, nor do I want to rule out a miracle. So I don’t know how to respond gracefully.
“Wouldn’t that be be wonderful.
New Miss Manners columns are published Monday to Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners on her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
