My daughter and son-in-law enter the den and sit down.
My daughter says, “Mom, Buck wants to watch the news!” I’m like, “What? I’m watching this show!” She said, “Well, Buck wants to watch the news!” My grandson then said, “We always watch the news. I say to myself: “But this show is almost over!”
They rush, my daughter in the kitchen, my son-in-law and my grandsons walk past me to get out. My son-in-law says, “You can watch TV. I was like, “Oh fuck no, not now!” I went into the kitchen, flabbergasted!
My daughter then said to me, “Maybe you should leave. Again flabbergasted, I said, “Yeah, I guess I should.”
Yesterday it had been over a year since this happened. I went for Christmas and put their presents on the front porch. I sent birthday cards with “I love you” notes. I sent birthday presents. Nothing from them.
I texted her and told her I wanted to end the silence. I’ve gotten mad at them in the past for disrespecting me as well, and I’ve talked about it in my text. She said they just don’t want to be near me because they don’t know when I’m going to drop a ball. I told him I’ll drop a ball when I’m disrespected.
Shouldn’t I demand respect from my children? Should I have gotten upset because of the TV? I moved on!
Are you?! Miss Manners has doubts.
Despite the exclamation points, it seems clear to Miss Manners that once your feelings were known, your family quickly gave up on television. It was you who then refused their kindness and made it a matter of respect.
Knowing of no previous pattern of falling bullets – or bombs – Miss Manners nevertheless feels inclined to believe your daughter. She invites you to check your definition of “disrespect” and distinguish it from “compromise”. The use of the latter will greatly contribute to the maintenance of family harmony.
Dear Miss Manners: I have a really nice colleague who constantly repeats my sentences. Unsurprisingly, she doesn’t listen to what I’m able to say either.
Could you give me a Miss Manners-y idea of what to say or do in these situations?
Stop talking. At least while your colleague is talking simultaneously. Eventually, Miss Manners assumes she will realize you are watching her in silence. If she asks you why, you can say, “You seemed so excited and I didn’t want to talk about you.
New Miss Manners columns are published Monday to Saturday at washingtonpost.com/board. You can send questions to Miss Manners on her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
