It’s been a trend since our divorce: she decides to spend money on our daughter, tells her about her plans, then asks me to split the cost. I’m afraid I’ll look like the bad guy if I say no, but I’m a little sick of my ex keeping telling me how I spend my money.
The word you you’re looking for is “no” – or, as Miss Manners has never understood why people expect satisfaction from being rude to an ex, “Thank you, but I have my own plans of what to do .Can you believe we’re going to be grandparents?!” (The second half should be said in your best voice “Look, a squirrel!”.)
Your daughter probably understands the situation more than you realize, including that when you tell her that everyone is happier when there are clear boundaries in your relationship with your ex, you’re not really including your ex. among “everyone”.
Dear Miss Manners: If I accept two invitations to two different events and one date is changed to the same date as the other, how do I decide which one to go to?
Go to the one it did not change the dates; the other is a new invitation.
Hosts are not allowed to feel aggrieved that someone who accepted an invitation to the Capulet wedding in the morning was unavailable for what later changed to a funeral in the evening.
Dear Miss Manners: I invited two friends for a homemade dinner. I went the extra mile and prepared something special for them.
When dinner was over, we gathered outside the front door to say goodbye. A friend slipped into the bathroom. My other friend and I clearly heard our friend throw up my meal into my toilet. We both asked if he was okay, and he acted like nothing was wrong and quickly left – for a night of barhopping.
My friend drinks and eats way too much, and has started throwing up as a method of “stacking” his calories against alcohol. I don’t believe it’s bulimia; I think it’s greed.
Am I wrong to be offended? Would you invite this person to meals in the future? My dinner isn’t important to someone’s health, but when a glutton intentionally vomits up my cooking, it disrespects me.
Ask if your friend was okay was the decent thing to do. Everything else is speculation – and, well, the bathroom door is there for a reason.
New Miss Manners columns are published Monday to Saturday at washingtonpost.com/board. You can send questions to Miss Manners on her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.