As my mother is very fragile and sometimes confused, do you think it would be an advantage or a disadvantage to share this news with her?
If the pleasure Knowing she has descendants would outweigh any confusion or disregard for the circumstances surrounding them, so talk to your mother. But if this would cause you anxiety during your last days together, then maybe don’t do it. In either case, although Miss Manners doesn’t want to get involved in an argument over pronouns, she kindly suggests you use another to describe your child – rather than ‘him’.
Dear Miss Manners: I am newly engaged and have started planning the wedding. I’m confused. For me, marriage is special for two reasons: the wedding ceremony itself and the opportunity to welcome those we love and are closest to. As I plan the event, I am constantly told that it is “my day”, “our day” and that we should “do what we want”. But it’s not just our day.
We are hosting the event and I want to make sure our guests have a good time, feel welcome and are treated hospitably. So what about it: is our day about doing what we want without consideration for others? Or a day to get married and make sure our guests have a great time?
If Miss Manners could marry you herself, she would do it. Because you are absolutely right: the whole idea of marriage is to mix two families and try to create harmony between them. Don’t succumb to those sources with dubious intentions that tell you to be selfish. They’re probably looking for buy-in, either literally (spend more money!) or associatively (if you can get away with it, then so can they). This unsavory mindset needs to stop.
Dear Miss Manners: I work as a crossing guard and unfortunately, after four years at my current school, my wife and I are forced to move due to financial problems. I thought I’d write a quick message (in English and Spanish) to thank the families I meet in my area for allowing me to be a part of their school day and for making my job so enjoyable. I want to end this note with: “You are my family and I love you all. Stay safe and I will miss you.
Is this too familiar for what is essentially an everyday business encounter? Because I created friendships with parents and children.
Your message is sweet, although it’s a bit expansive, but Miss Manners is inclined to let that slide. However, for the sake of your finances, let’s hope these extra family members don’t follow you to your new home.
New Miss Manners columns are published Monday to Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners on her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
