How should I handle these situations in the future? Should I try to apologize for my mistake in referring to the staff as “girls” and if so, what would be the best way to do so? I am working very, very hard to break this horrible habit and do better.
Work harder. You I learned at a young age not to put my hand on a hot stove and still made it to manager level – it can’t be that hard.
If you agree to do so, Miss Manners will tell you how to repair the damage done, which means apologizing with enough sincerity and frequency so that you understand your female colleagues’ feelings of humiliation.
Dear Miss Manners: How do I respond to this comment: “My opinion of you just went up two notches,” followed by why the speaker’s opinion went up?
Is the recipient of the high opinion supposed to be grateful? To me, this statement smacks of condescension and snobbery, implying lower status for the recipient. I was stunned when the line was delivered to me! What do you say ?
This rather than Suppose the speaker’s opinion started out low, it must now seem impossibly high. Miss Manners encourages you to do the same by saying, “Well, I’m glad I was able to exceed your already high expectations. »
Dear Miss Manners: I recently realized that I might be doing something a little too much: saying “thank you.” When the hostess brought us to our table, I said thank you. When she handed us our menu, I said thank you. When a waiter brought us water, I said thank you; when the same waiter dropped off the bread, I said thank you. After we ordered and the waitress took our menus, I said thank you.
And so on as the drinks, starters, meals, desserts and invoice are presented. I realized how many times I said thank you, but not always to the same person. Is this exaggerated? Would once per person have been enough?
If you thanked someone after you’ve chewed and swallowed every mouthful of your meal, yes, you’ve overdone it – but maybe it all only feels repetitive when an hour-long activity is condensed into a single paragraph.
Miss Manners agrees that you could have omitted a thank you here or there without being rude, but she doesn’t accept a strict one-per-customer (or, in this case, one-per-server) policy.
New Miss Manners columns are published Monday to Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners on her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
