I think I’m attractive without makeup, but I like the more polished look it gives me. Complimenting a woman’s cosmetics is like saying, “You’re probably only attractive because you wear makeup.” » Am I wrong to feel insulted?
Yes, but only because you haven’t recognized that attitudes towards makeup have changed.
At different times in history, the wearing of makeup has been blatant, covert, and everything in between. In the 18th century, among those who could afford it, it was blatant. In the 19th century, secret. In the 20th century, semi-secret, because a lady could admit to powdering her nose but not reddening her cheeks.
And now it’s really obvious. Celebrities and influencers publicize so-called tips or detailed instructions on makeup application. The frankness about improving one’s appearance extended to admitting to plastic surgery. Movie stars will appear at glamorous events without touching the roots of their dyed hair.
Therefore, these admittedly embarrassing compliments are not about your beauty, but about your artistic talent. You don’t have to teach a makeup lesson, but Miss Manners doesn’t believe you were insulted.
Dear Miss Manners: I am a state government employee. Sometimes we, employees, are asked to give money for a gift for a colleague (on the occasion of a death, a wedding, a catastrophic event, etc.). I don’t mind donating on these occasions. What I question is the manner in which the gifts are solicited.
Some applicants will ask everyone in the office to donate. It is up to the employee to decide whether to make a donation and how much. However, other requesters keep a list of each person who donates and the amount donated. Since this information was not included in the envelope containing the final donation (I checked), I think this method of accounting is unnecessary and potentially nasty.
Additionally, I was taught that it was rude to count other people’s money. A person may have donated $1 because that was all they could comfortably give.
So your colleagues compile records of the amounts their colleagues donate. What purpose ? Perhaps because they can easily guess your income, they compare the amount you gave with what they think is the amount you should have given. Not only is that not pleasant, it’s probably not accurate. They are unlikely to know the extent of your financial obligations or philanthropy.
Miss Manners strongly suggests asking why these records are kept and, if necessary, saying that you will contribute privately.
New Miss Manners columns are published Monday to Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners on her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
