Instead, I was blown away and offended when my in-laws and a few members of my own family unilaterally chose a shortened version of the name. They also changed the spelling in a way that I vehemently despise, probably to match the gender of the child. They didn’t use the full name even once.
They haven’t met the child, so this is done on social media, in text messages and on packages. I find this embarrassing, but I’m not sure I have the right to correct them. I feel like I don’t quite have the right to uphold the name when my child doesn’t have an opinion yet. And it might be just as rude to correct the family, who are probably just trying to label the newborn as something cute and less adult.
I would like to politely express my dislike of them using that nickname on their next visit. What do you think?
This Methuselah has a long way to go.
Miss Manners is concerned that you cannot control the name used by your child’s relatives. But maybe you could say, “What a cute nickname!” I’m sure we’ll all come up with our own affectionate variations, but until our child can have a say, we’re going to use the full name. We just don’t want any confusion. I’m sure you understand. Even though we all know that’s not the case and they will ignore you.
Dear Miss Manners: My husband called from work to tell me he was bringing home a dinner guest, a co-worker from out of town. I cooked a delicious dinner, invited the kids over to a friend’s house, and dressed nicely for the occasion.
I served the food, then sat down and had a portion, while chatting with our guest. Said guest looked at my plate and said, “Do you really think you should eat that much?” Look at your size. I have never been so surprised in my life. I sat in silence eating my meal. I didn’t respond, but my husband also didn’t say a word in my defense or tell him he had crossed the line.
Later I thought about it and think it was all a conspiracy on my husband’s part, because I had gained a few pounds and he didn’t know how to approach the issue himself. I never spoke of it again. What should I have done in this situation?
Quoting the expression “I will not be insulted in my own house” comes to Miss Manners’ mind – and that goes for your husband, too.
New Miss Manners columns are published Monday to Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners on her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
