I don’t know what to say to these comments. Should I tell my brother before the next visit that he is welcome, but ask him to leave the negative comments at home? Should I decline his request and suggest that they choose another sibling to stay with?
Should I just smile and tell them I’m so glad they’ve found a much better place for themselves? I’m stressed just thinking about the next visit.
Because your brother grew up in your area, he probably thinks he has a right to insult him – forgetting that his brother has remained loyal and doesn’t feel the same way.
But that doesn’t mean, Miss Manners says, that you have to listen. You might say, “I know you’ve never given much thought to our hometown, and I’m so glad you found a place that suits you better.” But I still love him here, and when you talk him down, it hurts me. I love having you in my home, and it seems like you love staying here, so maybe while you’re here you can find things you still love in the place I still clearly love.
Then Miss Manners suggests moving the conversation away from local news.
Dear Miss Manners: I’m hosting a brunch for a much younger friend, and I only know four of the 47 guests. Would it be terribly cheesy for me to have name tags for guests?
I am 67 years old and the likelihood of me remembering all the names is very low. If relevant, the event will take place at my home.
The desire to connecting with all your guests is commendable, but Miss Manners assures you that no one will expect you to remember all 47 names. The advantage of having so many guests in your house is that you are unlikely to have to greet any of them more than once.
The name tags look a bit professional – or like a high school reunion. If you need someone to refer, your young guest of honor is sure to quietly come to your aid – or then deliver you to a rousing after-party game of “Which Was The Woman With The Purple Hair And The Psychology Degree ?”
New Miss Manners columns are published Monday to Saturday at washingtonpost.com/board. You can send questions to Miss Manners on her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
