Several years ago, my elbow was broken in a car accident and never healed properly. The way it has healed, it doesn’t sit comfortably on my lap. It’s more comfortable to lean on the edge of the table, so I do this when there is no one to offend.
At the table closest to me was a family with three children, probably between the ages of 8 and 12. I heard one of the children comment to their mother, “SHE has her elbow on the table. » I didn’t realize SHE was me until Mom leaned over and said, “You know, it’s rude to put your elbows on the table when you’re having dinner.”
I could have told her it was rude to check her phone during dinner, but I didn’t notice she was doing it until later. I just said, “Then I guess it’s a good thing I’m having dinner alone and not with you.” It’s been bothering me ever since and I’m now wondering if the rule of putting my arm on the table even applies when I’m dining alone – or at least where others can see me. Should I have said something other than what I said? I don’t think I did anything wrong. Do you?
Medical exemption is not the problem here. Rather, it is a mother’s attempt to teach her children manners by being openly rude to you. What she could have said to her child was, “She’s an adult and it’s rude to criticize other people’s manners.” Of course, maybe she should have added “…unless you’re their mother.”
By confronting you, she not only set a terrible example, but also made you defend yourself. Miss Manners cannot agree with your answer, even if she accepts its practicality; a “I beg your pardon!” ” insulted. would probably have invited further rudeness.
Dear Miss Manners: How should I react when uninvited guests, a family of four, ask me what they can bring for a holiday meal? We welcomed them last year, after they were imposed on us. I guess they now feel they have an open invitation. We have a modest house and will accommodate 13 total without these extra four.
“Oh I am sorry, we are not giving quite the same party this year.
New Miss Manners columns are published Monday to Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners on her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
