However, as this event is about to become a habit, I thought it prudent to seek professional advice: when such an intimate moment becomes a public spectacle, what is the right course of action? for passers-by? Was I right to look away and quickly move on? Should I instead stop and wait for them to finish before continuing, or go back in the direction I came from?
Or, God forbid, am I obligated to offer my congratulations (or, I suppose, my condolences, as the case may be) to these complete strangers? Any thoughts are appreciated.
Some thoughts could be: Why do they put on a show in public? Wouldn’t such an important intimate moment be better enjoyed in private between the two of them? Doesn’t photographing the present moment encourage them to play a role instead of reacting naturally? Do they believe that the video will not provoke ridicule from any future children they may have?
Too bad. Miss Manners realizes how difficult it would be these days to convince people that real life is more rewarding than a dramatized version.
So yes, as much as you can, stay away and out of photo range. And while a cheerful “Congratulations!” » it would be nice if you want, it’s not obligatory. You weren’t hired as an extra in these public dramas.
Dear Miss Manners: My husband is an excellent cook and usually prepares and serves most, if not all, of the meal when we have people over for dinner. I participate in a variety of ways, including finding recipes, making suggestions on the menu, and chopping or stirring, depending on what we’re making. I also tidy the house beforehand and set the table.
Surprisingly (to me), when guests leave, they often thank my husband for dinner, but not me, as if I’m not part of the hosts. I think it would be more appropriate if the guests thanked us both. Also, I wonder if it would make a difference if the genders were reversed.
While you are probably I don’t want to hear your guests say, “Thank you so much for tidying up,” Miss Manners recognizes that they are being careless. Whatever you do or don’t do, you are the hostess. But while there may be a gender factor here, there is also, these days, an unfortunate preoccupation with food being the most important element of a social event. So your guests may be thinking of this as a meal at a restaurant rather than a social evening.
New Miss Manners columns are published Monday to Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners on her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
