I recently had a visit from an American friend. She’s not a morning person and was asleep when I went to eat breakfast. She stood up while I enjoyed it in the morning sun. She asked, “What’s for breakfast?” and I told her that there was muesli and other cereals in the pantry, a baguette from the day before and an egg if she wanted. I also mentioned that I had instant coffee, unless she wanted to go to the local coffee shop.
She said she would rather have what I was going through. I told him it was my special breakfast, an indulgence I could barely afford and didn’t have enough to share. She was pretty upset, I think. She was a little moody the rest of the day. That evening she told me I was a horrible host for eating something so delicious in front of a guest and not offering them the same. I explained again my limited resources and the idea that this was a small thing I was doing just for myself.
I have yet to have my special breakfast while she was there and she returned to the US a few days later. I haven’t heard from her since she left. Was I as poor a guest as she says? Do I owe him an apology?
Will you think Miss Manners a cow if she says “Yes” and “Yes?”
It is indeed rude for a host to indulge in a meal they are not prepared to share, even if you thought you could get away with it before your guest wakes up. An acceptable solution could have been to buy enough for one part: two croissants for example, or just the fruit. Additionally, repeatedly emphasizing that your limited resources were limited to yourself probably didn’t elicit the sympathy you apparently expected.
But if it makes you feel better, it was also rude of your guest to keep pushing when you told them what was available — and, of course, to explicitly tell you that you were a horrible host. What a pity.
Dear Miss Manners: I made cinnamon rolls and decided to share some of the batch with a friend. I packed some in a container and sent them home with said friend. At a later meeting, my friend returned the container covered in residual frosting. I appreciated that they thought to return it, but found it a bit rude that it was dirty. When sharing kitchen utensils, who is responsible for washing?
The one who I got the free cinnamon rolls.
New Miss Manners columns are published Monday to Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners on her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
