Naturally, I thanked her profusely for the gift. It was expensive, but not something I can use. I thought about donating it, but my friend sometimes shops at thrift stores and might see it on the shelf there (and she may have bought it there to begin with). I’m thinking of giving it to another friend who can use it and who doesn’t know the friend who gave it to me.
Should I bring up the story of the gift as a funny anecdote, or say that I received a nice gift that I can’t use? Or should I just say nothing about its provenance?
As she always is In favor of a good story, Miss Manners suggests including it when you give the item as a gift. This, of course, has the added benefit of allowing you to include the card and the box, as well as minimizing the risk of getting caught, even if the card is passionately addressed to someone neither of you never met.
Dear Miss Manners: Is it appropriate to play cards at a restaurant after finishing your meal? My husband and I had lunch at a local establishment, and sitting at the table next to us were four women playing cards and drinking refills of iced tea. They were there when we arrived and still there when we left.
With some exceptions, business establishments generally discourage this type of behavior in the interest of staying in business. Are you considering starting a tournament or restaurant?
Dear Miss Manners: I work in an informal (university) environment where I receive a fixed salary. It’s the kind of job where the amount of work fluctuates and sometimes requires me to work more than eight hours a day. Due to the nature of my workplace, there is no fixed 9am-5pm rule; nevertheless, some colleagues seem to think that it is necessary to respect this timetable.
I never understood that. If I have an appointment at 9 a.m., I will of course do my best to get to work before that. If I am even five minutes late, I will let the other meeting participants know and apologize. For all other work days, I feel like I should be able to come in later and leave earlier, as long as my work doesn’t suffer. But I always feel guilty when I do it.
For what it’s worth, my boss primarily judges employees based on their performance and not the number of hours put in in a given day. Am I committing a workplace faux pas by straying from convention?
It is probably it’s the boss’s opinion that counts, not those of your co-workers, colleagues – or whatever new term the university may have invented to disguise the fact that professional, not social, manners apply. If you’re worried that there will be misunderstandings later, you can ask for a written attendance policy — and hope that doesn’t prompt your boss to change it now.
New Miss Manners columns are published Monday to Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners on her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
