I don’t know how to politely decline offers to visit us. If we tell them a time isn’t good because of other obligations, they’ll say things like, “You don’t have to entertain us!” or “I won’t get in the way, I promise!”
We tried to let it go, but there are always requests that we change our schedule because they had traveled so far. Sometimes we do, and then the kids are annoyed to miss their activities. During the things we can’t ignore, we end up having people sitting in our house without us, watching HGTV for hours while we’re at school or at work.
Is there a polite way to say, “Actually, you ARE on the way?”
The drama of your despite the wording, Miss Manners infers that you are looking for a solution to the biggest dilemma, not a way to further insult your guests: Metaphorically speaking, you would rather avoid the fire accident altogether, than learn what to do after the collision.
Sensible people, like defensive drivers, avoid foreseeable dangers. Your loved ones promised not to be a problem, only to later deviate into expecting you to be the host. You didn’t believe them when they said it, but that doesn’t excuse you for being an absentee guest.
You didn’t have to invite them to stay, but once you did, etiquette dictated that you make time for them. More generally, if you never slow down, you cannot really expect to admire any of the sites, that is, to have a real relationship with your loved ones.
Dear Miss Manners: I receive many calls on my personal cell phone, and often I am not available to answer. If someone on my contact list calls me and I don’t answer, should I call them back, even if they don’t leave a message asking me to?
not knowing who called or what you think about talking to them, Miss Manners can’t tell if you should call them back, only this etiquette doesn’t require you to.
She is aware of the argument that this is ineffective. But she suspects those who do are more concerned with the few seconds they’ll spend explaining themselves on your voicemail than the time the recipient will waste deciding whether the call was urgent or I-was-in. -the-car-and-had-time-to-kill variety.
New Miss Manners columns are published Monday to Saturday at washingtonpost.com/board. You can send questions to Miss Manners on her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
