But in recent years, he has changed: he doesn’t like my girlfriends, who, according to him, are after my money. And at the last birthday party they threw for me, he told me not to touch his wife! He said, “Don’t touch her!” Never touch her again! She was cooking meals for 10 people, lifting heavy pots, etc., so I rubbed her shoulder for 30 seconds. But I’ve known her for 45 years! What is going on?
Well… it seems to Miss Manners that your friend would like you not to touch his wife. The woman might well have some thoughts on this matter herself.
As for the bigger problem, it seems like your friend is starting to feel threatened by you, for reasons real or imagined. (Oddly enough, and in contrast, he also feels protective over your money and your girlfriends.) An apology for the shoulder rub (which, innocently intended or not, was an overstep) will be the opportunity to find out what is going on and if there is something (else) you have inadvertently done to make him angry.
Otherwise, you may have become the target of his own problems. Since you are unable to diagnose them, Miss Manners suggests you keep some distance while he figures this out – distance both from your friend and, it seems, from his wife.
Dear Miss Manners: I take older women who can’t drive to appointments or run errands. Sometimes they want to invite me to lunch with them.
We always pray during the meal. The problem is that they want to hold hands during prayer, but they just wiped their noses. I don’t feel comfortable touching their hands and then using my hands to pick up my food. They get mad at me if I fold my hands on my knees. How should I handle this?
Pray that you don’t forget to bring hand sanitizer.
New Miss Manners columns are published Monday to Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners on her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
