- When people learn that I spent four years in a van, many wonder how it affected my personal life.
- Sex inside a van is pretty much the same as outside a van, but there’s a lot less leeway.
- Van-life relationships can be both challenging and rewarding. The key is to set clear boundaries.
Love, sex, and relationships can be messy regardless of your life situation. Things can get especially tricky when you live in a van, as I chose to do for four years.
Here are my answers to some of the most common questions people ask me about how living on the road has affected my sex and love life, as well as the lessons I’ve learned from the relationships around me.
Is sex different in such a small space?
Sex in a van is like sex anywhere else, but with less leeway.
Most vans have a bed platform at the rear of the vehicle, and headroom can vary from a reasonable 5 feet to a very comfortable 2 feet.
The limiting factor is whether or not both people can lie comfortably in the space available to them. If they can’t, they’re going to have to get creative.
What did you learn from having sex in a van?
These are some of the most important things I learned about having an active sex life on the road.
- Baby wipes are your friend for keeping things clean.
- Sexual health and maintenance are always important, so always pee after sex to reduce your risk of getting a urinary tract infection. Your pee pot should be nearby.
- Some positions, like Cowgirl, are less doable unless you have plenty of slack or decide to take things to the ground.
- Position yourself and your partner lengthwise in the van to reduce rocking and jerking. Vehicles shake more if you rock them side to side rather than back and forth.
- Be careful when doing the deed and stay on Forest Service grounds or camping areas. At the very least, get heavy-duty curtains.
How does it feel to live in such close proximity to your partner?
Living in a van with someone is really fun. It’s great to have your adventure partner with you to share travel music and admire starry skies, but living in a small space and managing the logistics of a road trip together can also be very challenging.
The most common relationship pattern I see is two people living together in the same van. This often works out well because many people in this situation have decided to leave a house or apartment together and move into a van.
When you’re in a relationship on the go, you immediately take care of every little uncomfortable detail. There’s nowhere for either of them to go, so you need to resolve conflicts immediately. Plus you’re still, and I mean still, clean one after the other.
For some people, this dynamic ends a relationship quite quickly. For others, it helps reinforce why they work well together.
How does the relationship change when two people live in different vans?
If you are single and traveling, chances are you will meet someone else who is single and travelling. When this happens, it’s only natural for the two of you to decide to travel together to the same places for a while.
Finding parking for two vans at campsites, friend’s driveways, and lots is much more difficult than finding a spot for a van.
Two vans can sometimes seem exceptionally cumbersome to travel. I’ve also found that you end up spending most of your time in the van that has the biggest bed.
What’s it like dating someone who lives in a house when you live in a van?
You meet a lot of nice people when traveling by van, and a lot of those people have houses.
My best advice is to try not to move into their driveway just yet. When you live down the road, you can get used to a communal lifestyle, sharing campsites and dining with strangers nearby. But remember: that’s not what most people think of their space. So don’t be a mooch.
I found it best not to think of your partner’s house as a place to tick off your to-do list or you’d kill the romance. Most people won’t feel good about you coming to town just to sleep in their driveway, use their shower, do laundry, and then leave.
What about when you live in a house and your partner lives down the road?
If you happen to be on the other end of this dynamic, where you, a person living in a house, meet someone special who lives a nomadic lifestyle, be comfortable setting boundaries. .
It can be hard to set boundaries with your partner, especially when they’re having trouble finding other places to park, but it’s important to respect your needs. You pay the rent or the mortgage to live in your house, and you don’t.