For a sports writer, in short, these are troubling times.
Almost all leagues in the world have been closed. Whether it’s professional sports at the highest level, youth leagues at the local level, it seems that almost everyone is stuck at home, looking out the window, waiting for life as we know it to resume.
Several dozen times, several people have asked me: what does this mean for your work? The long answer is a variation of the same set of surveys and thoughts that we all have day to day about our own jobs, lives and families.
The short answer is that I don’t know.
But, until I hear the opposite, I will continue to do my best to tell the stories of the people of Midcoast and the sports issues until the day when full-time sport returns.
Which brings us to this column.
With very little on the record, I found myself a recent weekend saying, “Well, what can I write about?”
In the absence of local sports and national sports on which to speak, that leaves few options … that is to say until I hear that ESPN 2 planned to organize a full day of various competitions on ESPN 8 “The Ocho” on Sunday March 22.
As the Internet likes to say, this is the content for which I am here.
I woke up in the middle of the morning on Sunday morning and immersed myself.
The first thing that came out of my mouth, as I dropped into my chair that morning, was a collection of words that I had never gathered in that particular order before, these words being, “I can’t not believe i didn’t get up early enough to watch the stone jump championships. “
While I can’t do it justice all day, here is a summary / logbook of some of the most notable events – at least for me – presented on my very first “Quarantine Sunday”.
2007 Speed Stacks World Championships – You got it, stack of goblets. I know what you are thinking. How can we make this interesting? I’ll tell you how: the Americans against the Germans!
The Second World War? America. Oktoberfest? America. And, on Sunday, the Americans took a large lead against the Germans in the head-to-head relay.
Each of the four candidates must stack 12 cups in a 3-6-3, then 6-6, then 1-10-1 format before cleaning and labeling in the next stacker.
The Americans, led by Brennan Fox, Shane Grinnell, Lexi Rindone and Andy Retting took the first of three against Timo Ruehl, David Wolf, Robin Stangenberg and Miriam Christ when Reuhl dropped a cup on the table, which put the Late Germans. And, come on, who hasn’t been there?
However, the Germans went without error in the last two stints – and the Americans could not overcome a drop in the final round by Rindone – and participated in the return to win the competition.
2019 Spinning Championships – My wife, who was a real soldier hanging with me through some of these events, summed up this competition succinctly: “Why is it a thing?”
I didn’t have a good answer, but the advertiser informed us – while we were watching the competitors spinning signs like glow sticks in a rave – that the “phenomenon” spread when friends holding signs around the corner to promote the region’s businesses began to do so. out of pure boredom.
Which made my wife’s investigation even more important, since dozens of people who left Las Vegas casinos with nowhere else to go or with money to spend had something to look at.
2006 World Hamburgers Eating Championships – Two things. First, I love to eat, but I could never do that.
Second, don’t diminish these achievements, but they are clearly cursors.
However, we were able to watch the great Takero Kobayashi in his “office” housing sliders against the likes of Joey “Jaws” Chestnut and Sonya “The Black Widow” Thomas.
Honestly, my favorite part of the competition was watching each of the finalists – I mean there were 10 – going into the crowd to go on stage, with a strange version of Thomas ‘She Blinded Me With Science’ Dolby playing as input music.
One guy has been touted as the “world champion of jalapeño eaters, peppers, watermelons, spam and birthday cakes”. Try putting this on a business card.
Another was coming out of a three-month suspension and they did not say why. Another was “the current lumberjack breakfast world champion”.
In the middle of the competition, my oldest son entered the room.
“Who do you want for mom?”
“The end,” she said. “I’m looking for the end.”
The end actually came when Kobayashi sheltered 97 sliders in 10 minutes and finished the trifecta of winning the 2006 championships of hot dog, hamburger and bratwurst.
2006 Bratwurst Championships – Wait. Why does it play after burgers? They just announced a few minutes ago that Kobayashi had finished the trifecta! Obviously, these were released out of sequence… 14 years ago. I intend to write a highly written letter to ESPN.
Spoiler: Kobayashi with the victory. In addition, this took place in Sheboygan, Wisconsin. Because obviously.
2019 stupid robot combat championships – This competition seems to combine backyard wrestling with “Em Sock” Em Robots robots. The goal is to deactivate the other robot – held by hanging chains and made up of various household appliances – in two minutes, or to drop the robot’s head for the knockout.
Two men sit behind their robots and have sticks attached to the robots ‘hands and can also strike with the robots’ feet. I feel like I’m killing brain cells while watching this, but I enjoyed the cut music like Primus for all the instant reruns. Perfectly suited to the event.
The Great Dane of Denmark was eliminated in a sudden death in the semifinals by Down Under Blunder of Australia, despite the fact that Great Dane had a muffin pan for an abdomen.
However, New Zealand’s El Minion emerged victorious from the championship round, winning with its old-fashioned and proven method of making its robot mainly from tuns and cans.
My wife, for unexplained reasons, continues to support me:
“Can you at least mute it so I can watch it [probably a cat video] on my phone?
“I need to feel the excitement, Jenn!”
2019 Cherry Pit Sputum Championships – It didn’t translate well on TV, but I found myself practicing my form of my watermelon spitting days as a youngster at our Haskell / Pomeroy family reunions.
You want this tongue to be airtight on the roof of your mouth, then only if you accumulate a ton of air and let this thing explode through the smallest hole between the tip of your tongue and the roof of your mouth. And just put your body in it, really explore the space …
I seem to have lost some of you.
Anyway, congratulations to Kevin Bartz, 58 feet and 3 1/4 inches for the victory.
Also, a funny comment from the advertiser:
“If a competitor swallows a seed, the spit is lost.”
2006 Arm Wrestling Championships – Yes! All that! I’m 10 years old right away again, watching “Over The Top” with my dad and the songs by Kenny Loggins play deep in my soul.
This film taught me many lessons, including never eating your own lit cigar and drinking castor oil; if you want to train, do it at dawn in front of an 18 wheeler and finally, but above all, if you are in a match of arm wrestling, be sure to open the palm and close it – pinky to thumb – in slow motion and your opponent will wilt and weaken.
None of these lessons applied to the 2006 Mohegan Sun Wrestling Championships, but I immediately recognized John Bryznk, who won the competition, as having an uncredited appearance in this film.
Bryznk, an accomplished arm wrestler for decades, has traveled everyone, just as a high school student could defeat his little brother at the kitchen table. It was fun to see the opponents doing their best and Bryznk nodded after a few moments like “OK, are you ready?” as he effortlessly and methodically pulled their arms toward the table for victory.
Note, Bryznk beat Eric Guevin – hometown of Buxton – to win the championship
It gave me the impression, but “Winner Takes it All” by the absence of Sammy Hagar on the editing part of the procedure weighed heavily on me.
2018 Tetris World Championships – 10 years old, I’m geeking at the moment, but the lines are evolving so fast that it is honestly in equal parts smelly and overwhelming that I haven’t spent more of my life perfecting this profession.
2018 Golden Tee Championships – One of the players in this competition has over 10,000 career holes in one in the Golden Tee. I don’t know if it’s impressive or sad. It’s probably impressive, because I remember my prowess in Madden more than necessary, especially between the years 2003-2007. After all, I was champion of the Madono campus of the University of Maine at Orono 2003.
That being said, Mark Stenmark, whose character wore a generic green basketball jersey with the number 33 (obviously a Larry Bird guy) with snake shoes, defeated Jared Decker – whose character appeared to be a woman Donald Trump – to win the $ 30,000 Grand Prize.
2019 Dodgeball Continental Cup – The moment we’re all waiting for. I wish I could say it looked like the International Dodgeball Championships in Las Vegas, but it’s in a small, half-full gymnasium at Mohawk College in Ontario, Canada.
But, it’s the United States against Canada!
Canada dominated in the first half and took a 12-2 lead at halftime (each game win was two points), but the United States tore in the second half, tied the match 14-14 and won the victory suddenly. death from overtime.
And Chuck Norris didn’t even have to give his consent. Thank you Chuck Norris.
Jelle’s Marble Runs 2019 – I couldn’t turn away from that. A big touch was the establishment of Legos for the stands, with balls in the stands as “fans” with signs encouraging certain teams of balls.
My three children jumped, shouted and cheered the balls.
They insisted that this 30-minute program remain on the DVR. Their request was granted.
Dead World Diving Championships 2019 – My last program of the day, and very satisfying to watch. A cavalcade of crazy aliens (the event took place in Norway) jumping from a 10 meter high board into a deep pool.
The crazier the jumps, the more points the judges will award, as long as you can stick the landing. Staging matters, so greeting the crowd, kissing and eye contact with the judges during your free fall are all bonuses.
I saw someone on the floor, someone dabbing, another jumped over three men and many wore jorts (denim shorts), which one of the advertisers called one of the oldest sports traditions. Yeah. That and the red belly.
Despite the fact that I didn’t see Pepper Brooks or Cotton McKnight call the dodgeball game, or that I didn’t see a single water ski squirrel in a pool, it was still nice to forget the worries about life for a few hours and jumping into a day of, well, certainly interesting “sports” content.
That being said, whenever the real thing wants to come back, I am absolutely.