LOS ANGELES— At a press conference for the upcoming superhero blockbuster black adamactor Dwayne Johnson has repeatedly insisted that his titular character has had more sex than Superman or any other character in the DC Universe.
“Oh yes, ladies I love Black Adam,” Johnson replied to an unrelated question from one of his co-stars. “This guy is a gamer, I mean he’s boning with thirty…no, fifty…no, like a hundred different girls every night. Meanwhile, this nerd Superman is stuck with boring old Lois Lane, and we all know she’s faking it. Black Adam hit that too by the way, and he was the best she ever had. It’s lovely.
Asked about his reasons for continually bringing up his character’s sexual prowess, Johnson insisted it was an important part of the film’s marketing strategy.
“You see, Black Adam isn’t as well known as other superheroes like Batman and The Flash, even though his dick is way bigger,” Johnson explained. “So in order to get people to come see this movie, it’s extremely important that we talk about how cool, strong and sexy Dwayne Johnso is – I mean, Black Adam. He could kick Peacemaker’s ass, that’s for sure.
Also present was the film’s director, Jaume Collet-Sera, whom Dwayne Johnson then asked what it was like to make a film with such a perfect and well-endowed protagonist.
“It’s so refreshing to make a movie without any dramatic stakes or tension,” Collet-Sera smiles through gritted teeth, Johnson’s hand firmly on her shoulder. “I mean, usually in a movie like this, you don’t know if the hero will be able to defeat the forces against them, and that uncertainty is what keeps you invested in the story. But in black adam it’s so obvious that Black Adam is going to win, because he’s so powerful and handsome. So instead, audiences stay invested because… I don’t know, they really like watching it, I guess? »
Johnson then whispered in the director’s ear.
“I also think Black Adam would make a great American president one day,” she added with a sigh.
As of press time, Dwayne Johnson was reading a list of incredible feats performed by Black Adam to the media that were clearly just old Chuck Norris memes recycled.
LOS ANGELES— At a press conference for the upcoming superhero blockbuster black adamactor Dwayne Johnson has repeatedly insisted that his titular character has had more sex than Superman or any other character in the DC Universe.
“Oh yes, ladies I love Black Adam,” Johnson replied to an unrelated question from one of his co-stars. “This guy is a gamer, I mean he’s boning with thirty…no, fifty…no, like a hundred different girls every night. Meanwhile, this nerd Superman is stuck with boring old Lois Lane, and we all know she’s faking it. Black Adam hit that too by the way, and he was the best she ever had. It’s lovely.
Asked about his reasons for continually bringing up his character’s sexual prowess, Johnson insisted it was an important part of the film’s marketing strategy.
“You see, Black Adam isn’t as well known as other superheroes like Batman and The Flash, even though his dick is way bigger,” Johnson explained. “So in order to get people to come see this movie, it’s extremely important that we talk about how cool, strong and sexy Dwayne Johnso is – I mean, Black Adam. He could kick Peacemaker’s ass, that’s for sure.
Also present was the film’s director, Jaume Collet-Sera, whom Dwayne Johnson then asked what it was like to make a film with such a perfect and well-endowed protagonist.
“It’s so refreshing to make a movie without any dramatic stakes or tension,” Collet-Sera smiles through gritted teeth, Johnson’s hand firmly on her shoulder. “I mean, usually in a movie like this, you don’t know if the hero will be able to defeat the forces against them, and that uncertainty is what keeps you invested in the story. But in black adam it’s so obvious that Black Adam is going to win, because he’s so powerful and handsome. So instead, audiences stay invested because… I don’t know, they really like watching it, I guess? »
Johnson then whispered in the director’s ear.
“I also think Black Adam would make a great American president one day,” she added with a sigh.
As of press time, Dwayne Johnson was reading a list of incredible feats performed by Black Adam to the media that were clearly just old Chuck Norris memes recycled.