But as I thought about it more, questions started to come to mind: If later she decides she wants us to hurry up with the grandkids, will I get “What’s the point?” wait when you wait” in my Christmas stocking?
He asked her if there was any additional meaning behind the gift, and she assured him that she just thought it would be interesting reading for him. I’d like to take her word for it, but I’m still a little suspicious. Do you think this could be a harbinger of how she will treat us in the future, and if so, how can we deal with it?
Anon. : Please go back to your first reaction – if only because my laughter would then be laughing with you, not at you.
I don’t know what’s funnier, her sending the book or insisting with a straight face that it was just “an interesting read.” Regardless, I am indebted to him.
And anyway, I think you’ve seen the ghost of Christmas to come. Even if that future doesn’t materialize, it can still be productive to look this style of meddling in the eye.
He’s already taught you that: 1. You and your boyfriend both laughed. This means that neither of you reflexively put up your dukes. Which is to say, yeah. 2. Your boyfriend wasn’t afraid to approach his mother, while the parent to watch out for is the one who needs to be handled like an unexploded ordnance.
So, good news so far: you were a team and he wasn’t afraid. (You may both have been a little gullible, but optimism has its charms.)
Over time, you’ll find out if you and he can stick together, keep your sense of humor, and maintain warm feelings for the woman who might one day fill your stocking with “101 Ways to Humor Your Mother-in-Law.”
These aren’t just three steps to dealing with her (or just about anything), they’re also windows into how you’ll deal with her in the future — conveniently, the part you can control.
Dear Carolyne: My sister-in-law is an extremely pious woman. Over the years, she treated me like a close friend and confidante while verbally disparaging our other sister-in-law in private. It turns out she treats the other sister-in-law the same way: as a close companion, while privately speaking to her about my many faults, some real, some fake. This has been going on for years. What does she get out of it?
CALIFORNIA: Uh, power? A lot. She established herself (with piety and criticism) as a high-level woman, and indicated that you were worth it (by trusting you). She made you feel special. In turn, you highly value their business.
If she hadn’t used this simple piece of human puppetry, she would have had to earn your respect the old-fashioned way: by being hard on herself and forgiving others. Hard work, where the opposite, forgiving yourself and being hard on others, is child’s play.
That is, until the puppets compare notes.
