I really have a hard time with that. Other than taking a prenatal vitamin and skipping alcohol, I haven’t changed my life much. I feel like I need to be on board, so I can help my partner on board. Is this correct, and how can I fix this problem?
Pregnant and disappointed: It is absolutely correct. Really. Every big change is also a big loss, of everything you had before.
It’s often a loss that we don’t mourn much, because we’re excited for what’s to come, but I think it’s more typical to feel at least a twinge at the parting element of a change , such as leaving a beloved home, leaving co-workers, or knowing that you will never see some of your classmates again. It doesn’t make you “immature”.
Pregnancy is not exempt from these feelings. Even if you had foreseen this, you could face a hard farewell to your projects, to your autonomy, to your life as you have always known it. It just seems transgressive, like you’re rejecting your child, but it’s not. It’s a typical hard goodbye.
Let yourself feel it instead of trying to push it away. Yes, you will miss your old life! It doesn’t mean you hate your baby. It means you loved your life.
Try to apply this love to your future: you could think of your old life as great and baby as different, and therefore good life + baby = something not great anymore. Or you can choose to see your great life as something you built using your great life building skills. So, good life + Baby = something good with Baby.
They are just mental physical exercises, and they can wait until you are ready. Facing your big shift is the real thing happening now. There’s nothing wrong with saying, “Yeah, that’s awesome,” and forgiving yourself for your unhappy thoughts.
It’s also very, very good to believe that your partner must be on board so that they can support you. your climb on board. This is the perfect time not to sleepwalk into gender roles. Besides the role of growing a baby.
Re: Disappointed: When I got pregnant at 34, I loved drinking coffee, reading quietly and traveling in Europe. For me, at least (YMMV), having a baby meant: someone who woke up to the sound of the espresso machine and laughed every time, someone who loved books as much as I did, and who traveled extensively internationally with me. It was so much fun that five years later we had another child. Babies are a great reason to do the things you love in your life. They do it with you, on their own terms, and that’s the best.
Anonymous: Or they hate the activity you love – and you adapt by finding other things to share while you record your special activity for your own time. But, yes, you start by introducing a new generation to your old favorites – and then you see how it all unfolds. Fascinating nonetheless.
The opinion of other readers:
· My first child was totally planned, but I cried a lot about my wonderful single life.
· In case a smile helps: I had a job that involved traveling the world at my own pace and at my own discretion. When my daughter arrived, I moved my job to be home with her most days. Years later, when learning about places in history class, she said, “Paris. Rome. Tokyo. You gave up all those places to stay with me? What were you thinking, dad? »
