“Erin” asked me to let her know if we had started seriously planning a trip.
Before doing that, however, I asked the group in our usual text chat if it was okay to include Erin as well. I said she asked the question, and I knew she had been going through a particularly difficult time personally and that she could use friendly faces. Two people said “sure thing”. It was the only answer.
So I told Erin about the trip. Well, a few days later, one after another said they didn’t want her there.
I was stunned. I was told I should have waited longer to tell him.
And it was even said that she didn’t want Erin’s “problems” to put the brakes on the long weekend. I was so disappointed at their lack of generosity and hurt that they put me in the position of having to withdraw the invitation.
I tried to appeal to their sense of empathy, but they didn’t budge.
The two who said everything was fine started waffles. I was myself.
I had to tell Erin what had happened as nicely as possible and that she was no longer invited.
I also told the group that I was no longer interested in going there myself.
Did I do the right thing here? Context, I am the only one living out of state and I have had to make every effort over the years.
So that tells me that the relationship was more one-sided than I even thought. I don’t want to lose a whole bunch of friends over it. But maybe I should.
Disappointed friend: It seems to have accelerated the inevitable: ending not-so-great friendships with not-so-great people.
But, just in case someone else spends 10 years seeing a band twice a year and then makes an effort to include another friend and gets the preliminary deal and issues an invite just to get the band rejected. to the point of being invited to uninvite the group. new person, I will still answer you if you did the right thing:
The good thing was to refuse to withdraw the invitation. Say, “I asked the question, I waited for your answers, I only got two yeses, and then I invited Erin in good faith. If you don’t want her, you can tell her that she’s not welcome. If you do that, I won’t come either. Let me know what you decide. “
It’s a two part flowchart, just: 1. Refuse to be rude, then see what happens. 2. If they choose to be rude, then turn off an exclusive group.
They had their chance to nix Erin nicely but didn’t. They have it.
Again – for, uh, next time.
Re: Erin: I am sorry. What a shitty situation, for you and (especially) Erin. I hope you and Erin have a fabulous trip together and enjoy your release from unworthy relationships.