I forgot his behavior; she refuses to discuss the issues, which incites the crickets. But it would disrupt the group dynamic if I cut him off, and my husband would be sad. Plus, we’re co-hosting an event in a few weeks – an event that was planned before its last dive – and it wouldn’t be fair to make all the decisions solo. HELP.
— Silence is not golden!
Silence is not golden! : Just ignore his tantrums. Seriously. Invite the couple as always; be courteous, of course; and participate fully in small talk, chatter, and standard group conversations.
And when she has one of her silent protests about anything, proceed as always; don’t change anything – don’t change your behavior at all. If it’s there, it’s there. If it’s not, it’s not. If she ignores direct conversation, then, okay, let your eyebrows touch your hairline, once, and then go back to what you were doing. If she refuses to give her opinion on a group decision, set a deadline for speaking up after which you decide without her. Don’t defend yourself, ask him what’s wrong, share your opinion on his emotional dysregulation. Don’t feed the beast.
If she’s doing this because it’s the only way she can deal with difficult feelings, then you give her space and grace. If she’s doing it to manipulate people into doing things her way (for fear of incapacitating her), then quietly rendering her tactics completely ineffective is the healthiest response she can get .
Hello Carolyn: I have a sister who, for the most part, has been very supportive. However, my daughter recently got married and she did not include my sister’s teenage children or any children of other members of our family in the wedding party. My sister is hurt because her children, in her opinion, have been excluded, and she considers this disrespectful!
She stopped talking to us. How can we tell my sister that my daughter’s marriage is not about my sister’s children?
Sibling: So you’re going to hunt her down and scold her?
She’s wrong, 100 percent, 670 percent in an area that goes beyond math and physics, but still.
Either leave her alone to recover from this imaginary incident on her own time, or let her know – directly from you or your daughter – that neither of you intended to hurt anyone. whatever, that you miss them and that your big -The person’s door is open when they are ready to come back. Maybe leave out the details about the door type.
Dear Carolyne: I recently took a short trip with an activity group I joined. One woman immediately turned me off, but I can’t understand why. She seems nice enough – but goes overboard with the compliments and asks really loaded questions that seem innocent but are a minefield to answer.
I’ve spent the last few days trying to understand why I find her so off-putting. Am I just weird, or is there something more I’m not seeing?
Repel: No idea. But you realize something is wrong, so trust him. It’s okay to keep a polite distance. “Wow, that’s a question,” which you don’t answer. Time will tell you what you need to know about her.
