Rob’s family is evangelical Christian. Although we have very different religious and political beliefs, I enjoy their company and they have been very welcoming to me.
The problem is, even though I’m pushing 40, Rob and I are not allowed to share a room when we visit them or on vacation because we are not married. To make matters worse, Rob refuses to engage with his parents on this issue because he claims they are “made their own way” and it would be pointless to ask.
I’m kind of sensitive to this problem when we stay with them – their house, their rules – but the big annual family vacation involves the whole family staying in the same house on a beach together, and we’re asked to stay in. separate bedrooms. I feel like since we’re contributing to the cost of the house and we’re almost 40, we should be allowed to stay in the same room!
I’m at the point where I refuse to attend the vacation if Rob continues to refuse to tell his parents about it. May I mention again, we already live together! I would like to have a third party opinion on this.
Push 40: Seems to me you’ve got it: you’ve come across something so ridiculous for yourself that you can’t agree to invest another day or a dollar to be a part of it.
Good then! It is a response that makes perfect sense and has a lot of integrity.
It will also present, as these things usually do, to Rob – a being with his own values and integrity to deal with – a choice that, if he chooses in your favor, will present to his parents – beings with their own values and their integrity. manage – with a choice. Very well.
As long as your eyes are open to your rejection as the first in a row of dominoes, then refuse – with kindness and in peace.
● Instead of paying for a big group house, why don’t you and Rob rent a condo nearby? You can join the rest of the family for meals and activities, then retreat to your own space.
● My wife and I went through this for a long time because we waited 10 years to get married. Fortunately, we were in a good position to find our own accommodation when the big family vacation arrived. That way, we could set our own rules and continue to enjoy the family; quite honestly it has also reduced some of the endless chaos that is my family. It has proven to be a gathering place and youthful place for young adults as well. We were also open to the reasons. To this day, I’m still a little bit proud of the fact that we made it on our own, and I think my dad respected me for it.
