Carolyn Hax: Irritated by her girlfriend’s iTunes account with her ex-husband’s last name

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Hello Carolyn: I am in a serious relationship with a woman who has already been married twice. Her iTunes account is registered under her married name from her second husband. She’s a big music lover and has hundreds of playlists with thousands of songs, but every time she connects her iPhone to her TV, Bose speakers, or car stereo, it announces “Connected to Music.” ‘iPhone of ‘Lisa Smith'” — her former married name — even though she’s been divorced for 10 years and uses her maiden name in all other areas. This happens several times a day and even while we were having sex.

I asked her to change the account to her maiden name, as I find it disrespectful, but she says she can’t because she will lose all her playlists. Am I immature to feel disrespected by this situation?

Anonymous: Perhaps. Yes. More importantly, though: If there was one quality I would recommend bringing to a relationship with a woman who has two ex-husbands, thin skin wouldn’t be it.

Enough to make a pragmatist cry.

His approach, I really appreciate – especially in this context. Not the playlist stuff, which I know and don’t care about [so please don’t ping me with technical suggestions]but the general idea of ​​”It’s like that, move on”, I like here.

Because that’s exactly how you can live without being offended with someone whose history is littered with opportunities to be offended. To leave. this. everything. to go.

All. You can freak out multiple times a day, or you can remind yourself once and for all, “She’s as much Lisa Smith as Lisa Birthname.” Because she is. She is Lisa despite everything.

Not to mention she had to be Lisa Smith (and Lisa Jones) first for her to find you, because that’s how it works – whatever story you get is the exact story you needed to create your current situation. Not Smith, not you. So drop it.

If she is indeed actively connecting speakers while you are having active sex, then that, yes, is disrespectful. Among others.

Hello Carolyn: I deal with anxiety which makes it very difficult to reach out to others. The more important the person, the more difficult it is for me to reach out. The specific situation I’m facing now has to do with my first love. We are both women and we met decades ago when it was much harder to be queer. I ended the relationship and I regretted it. We’re still friends, and she responds warmly when I contact her, but I often end up ghosting because I freeze in fear. No suggestions?

Anxious: You have already understood this. Look ^. You just calmly, warmly, sympathetically explain yourself in writing – and if you don’t like the way you said something, then you can go back and fix it a bit before sending it to your old man friend.

Once you explain to her in a letter that you wanted to express your regret for breaking up, but you freeze up in fear, she can either help you feel more comfortable starting this conversation or make you knowing nicely that she is not interested. Go both ways, even if his earlier warm responses are promising. Good luck.

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