But that doesn’t mean she’s a terrible person. While Elise was sick, she regularly sent food, checked in daily, and helped me with yard work when I was overwhelmed. I don’t think she deserves to be eliminated, but Elise considers her to cause constant grief. I asked Elise to talk to my sister, but she said we both tried and it made the drama worse.
Elise promises she will be cordial with my sister when they meet and says I can see her whenever I want, but she plans to avoid her, delete her, and block her on all social media. This will cause incredible upheavals.
I’m trying to be sensitive to what my wife has been like, but I think she’s going too far here. Is not it ?
Anonymous: You asked Elise to reconsider, and she said no. You don’t have to agree with her to respect her right to do this. And yes, saying “Thanks for the food and yard work” and then blocking her is not ideal. But your sister’s disregard for truth and privacy is worse.
Elise has already compromised by agreeing to be cordial when their paths cross. This is the time when half a couple withdraws from someone. Additionally, you have technically incurred the debt you feel towards your sister; you can’t make your wife do it. The only accommodation I would add is for Elise to mute or delete your sister. No need to start an “incredible commotion”.
Speaking of which: falling apart is your sister’s problem, not Elise’s. Additionally: You cite the threat of unrest as a reason for Elise to reconsider, but it serves even better as a reason for Elise to distance herself. Don’t give in to a tantrum unless you don’t want more tantrums.
If the turmoil occurs despite Elise’s discreet distancing efforts, then it will only be your problem to the extent that you agree to make it your own. You are also free to tell your sister, “Elise is giving herself the space she needs and I fully support her. Then, at any further backlash: “It’s none of my business, so I’m leaving,” and prove it by staying out.
· And what did you do in the face of your sister’s horrible and invasive transgression? If my sister had done this to my wife, I would have blocked and interrupted her in real life. Your wife offered a reasonable compromise and you’re still whining.
· Some of the best advice I’ve ever received: “It’s hard enough to love the people you love without having to love the people they love.” » Go ahead and have your best relationship with your sister, while Elise stays out of the drama.
· As a breast cancer survivor, my advice is simply to give your wife time. I was very strong and grateful during treatment, but once treatment ended it left me with a whole range of emotions about who was supportive and who wasn’t. I benefited from counseling at my treatment center.
