I did not live with an extended family when I was a child and I did not have a family nearby to raise my own. I’m tired of all the driving – usually five to six hours one way. We are close to our children and I believe they would like us to be close – not on the same street but in the same city. This situation gives me anxiety.
Guess I just have to wait for them to settle down to figure it out, but it weighs on my mind.
Rural: You don’t ‘just’ have to wait. You can wait and prepare.
Specifically, you can wait and scratch and scratch and pinch and record. Every penny. Assuming you are able, of course, given the asymmetric economic crisis we find ourselves in right now.
But even if you are stretched right now, look into the future you want as inspiration to stretch yourself a little more.
And if you own your home, you can also take care of it as an asset that you might need in a few years. Decluttering, for example, is free and useful even if you stay put. Ask a local real estate agent what steps, if any, pay off.
Because every little bit of money you can get or plan for now is power, flexibility, and self-determination later. When the time is right for your kids to move in, you’ll be so glad you thought about the future on behalf of your future self – that those savings ultimately help finance the move you want, or a small apartment. tradeoffs just for you near the kids, or the transportation you hire to cut down on your driving.
Or whatever else. ‘My husband says he never moves’ plants flag decisively for him. You are attentive to changing circumstances and aware of your own history, needs and preferences. Use that, along with your five-year deadline, to be thoughtful and proactive about what your husband’s intransigence means – and doesn’t mean – to you.
Dear Carolyn: What’s the best way to support a spouse who has received feedback at work regarding project management skills that are bothering them? And, from what I saw at home, accurate. The last non-working example happened yesterday.
The situation is complicated by the fact that the feedback was not provided well – I would also be upset.
Is there ever a time and place to address the fundamental issues? The last thing I want to do is make them feel under attack on all fronts!
Proof: I think your best option, she said in an Ice Queen manner, is to not look in your mouth at the gift comments.
The loving partner version involves making your spouse a favorite hot drink and listening to it sympathetically. And, of course, agree that the guidance was poorly provided. But (if asked) must be taken into account despite everything, so that the boss is happy. Right?
This real thing had to be said, and when the workplace became the messenger, you were spared. So be a cushion as soft as possible without stifling the truth.
