It just happened last night when a friend came over. I do not insult personally at these times; it’s just a tone that I hear and that I’m ashamed of.
I wonder if you have encountered this and are having any thoughts, or if I should just move to a monastery and be silent for the rest of my life.
Viper’s tongue: Do I have any ideas.
If you are reading this and know me in real life, take advantage.
By way of explanation: an old friend of mine marvels at how quickly I can get someone to hang up. Like, he feels the breeze of my hanging up on him (I said old man) the millisecond the necessary information has been exchanged.
It’s up to your friends if you lose all of your friends, sure – but you have a precious awareness of your tendency. Even better you hear the tone, which means you are aware of what is going on, yes?
This means that you can breathe before you speak. Slow down.
And if it’s too late and you’ve already broken up, you can tell you’re so sorry your evil twin just took over. Even if you notice yourself an hour later, you can still say, “I just realized I was an impatient fool with you. [whatever]. I’m sorry about this. “
Your husband deserves the biggest conversation – if you haven’t already had it – about your knowledge of this terse character, and you don’t mean it personally and don’t want to hurt him. If it can help you understand what precedes these episodes – fatigue? hunger? frustration? – then you can practice catching them before they happen. You can also teach him how and when to speak in the moment.
That doesn’t mean you can’t tell your friends about it in general too – to say, “I know I can sound short and impatient sometimes, and I’m sorry – I know it’s wrong and I ‘ I’m working on it. It’s just that it’s necessary for your spouse, rather than just thought out and recommended with others.
By the way, if you were to sink into monastic silence, you’d probably be exactly the same way, just screaming.
Dear Carolyn: Thank you. The idea of understanding the above is extremely helpful – I think it’s often when I’m tired or frustrated. This does not happen at other times.
I thought about having the conversation, but I’m afraid of it. I’m afraid if I report it then I’ll be hit and lose everyone anyway. It makes me cry. But I know this is a good suggestion.
Sharp Tongue again: Do not be afraid. Vulnerability is the most precious gift you can give to the people who love you. And the adorable won’t beat you up for that.