How can we best support it? I want to be there for him, but the part of me that still remembers (too clearly) the stress of being a new mom to a healthy baby and not having to recover from a C-section, can’t I can’t imagine what my sister-in-law must be going through. I just want to tell him to get over it.
Seattle: He needs to get out of this, it’s true. But if you’re looking for a correlation between telling people to get through it and them actually getting through it, then you’ll find it in Yeahrightsville.
Everything you say to your brother should include elements of sympathy to remove the nastiness. For example, “You’re right, no one commits to having – or being – sick children. » Then ask him what he thinks might help reduce stress. If it’s just a chance to get away, take him out to eat or do some homework for him at the hospital while he takes a day to himself. Even put him on the weekly schedule so he can count on relief.
If having someone to talk to will help him, then you can research his options for him; States offer different programs for children’s special needs and for families, and while the front door is usually hospital staff, your sibling may not have received or processed the information. Do some homework so he can find support (Washington State Department of Health: doh.wa.gov).
Taking his plight as seriously as that of his wife and babies will make you a more tolerable source of whatever tough love you then choose to serve him. Still, give him room to work his way through this; listen patiently and pat him on the back every time you see him rise to the occasion. Remind him how lucky his family is to have him.
If you don’t see that – for example, if his no-show talk turns into walking – then remind him that, even in a panic, he is better equipped than his babies to deal with what lies ahead, and that ‘They will need their daddy. Not to be perfect, mind you – just to be there, love them and teach them to try.
Despite predictions of developmental problems, every child faces an uphill struggle to move from point A of childhood to point B of contented but not resigned adulthood. Some never achieve contentment. But those who succeed are not always those who receive all the physical advantages at birth. The greatest advantage a child can have is having a parent by their side through this struggle, with no other goal than to provide the child with what they need. Any parent could use an occasional, no-lecture reminder.
