I recently asked him if he was considering going out again, and he said he’s gone and he’s happier now.
Is this a sign that breaking up was in fact the right thing to do? Or did I make a huge mistake that changed my life? I’m scared, single, unsure of the future and sad.
Scared: When you are “scared, single, unsure of the future and sad,” this is usually when all the nice and comfortable things you had in the past acquire an almost unbearable pink glow, and you blame yourself for it. abandon them.
But fear is an idiot. It makes rash and timely choices for us that we come to regret when we start to feel safe again and the sense of danger passes.
This guy is without a doubt a very good person, and he was your best friend. But you didn’t like him at all. The reasons don’t matter – it just matters that you didn’t.
So, use that to justify closing the door on all related assumptions, and instead focus on your fears, sadness, and uncertainties. What is not working for you? How long have you felt this way (and would therapy help)? What changes are you able to make, starting with the smallest?
If you must be wondering if you could have handled the meh sex chemistry, then suppose the answer is no.
Re: Fear: I once broke up with a best friend for reasons that sound like what you are describing. Even though I knew it was right then, years later I still asked, “Did I make a huge mistake?” I have compared everyone I have dated best friend with and none of them have ever looked so good. I wondered if I was limiting myself?
I finally met the love of my life and realized that the role of Best Friend had been to set the bar very high. I never wasted my time with anyone who didn’t meet these standards. My husband now has passed well above these standards! And Best Friend and his wife are now our very good friends.
– Took a long time, but continued
It took a while, but continued: I love the idea of the ex as a bar that others had to erase.
Re: Fear: “[Fear] makes rash and timely choices for us that we come to regret.
Either way, you weren’t the right people for each other – whether the anxiety caused the mismatch or the mismatch caused the anxiety.
