When my son and I play alone, he turns into a huge jerk. He constantly accuses me of cheating. He lies when it’s his turn. It prevents me from doing things in my favor, like physically discarding a card I played. But when I suppress my refusal to play with him, he runs to my husband, who thinks I need to grow up. “It’s just a game with a child!” Why do you care so much about the rules?
I’ve explained to my husband MANY times that playing a game that I know I’m going to lose is not fun. I also stated that according to his teacher we need to teach our son to lose appropriately, which means not letting him win. Although my husband agrees in theory, it doesn’t work in practice. Because one of them is guaranteed to win the majority of the time, my husband thinks that’s what the professor meant.
Should I give up at this point?
— Stupid games, stupid prizes
Stupid Games, Stupid Prizes: No, please don’t give up. New scenario: “I don’t care. All. whether I win a game, with a child or someone else. By calling it “no fun” to play these winless games with the two of you, I see that I gave the false impression that it was simply about winning in itself.
“Here’s what I really care about: that I don’t raise a child who is a bad sport, a cheater, a liar, a sore loser, or someone who is not fun to play games with. Who is consumed by winning. Who doesn’t care about fairness or others.
“You don’t have to take my word for it if we taught him bad lessons and bad habits.” We hear it from his teacher now. So, will you help me with this?
If he refuses and instead opts for this fallacious innocence: “It’s just a game with a child!!! ”, then you have a bigger problem to prioritize and solve, pretty much spouse-shaped but dangerously childish. So it’s not a stupid problem. All.
· I was taught to play games like your son is taught. I couldn’t play board games UNTIL AN ADULT without being a jerk. I could see it happening and I couldn’t help it. I stopped playing all board games because I didn’t like the person I was while playing them. And it was only as a parent that I could begin to rediscover the joy of PLAYING rather than winning. You are right to stop the pattern now. And it’s possible that your husband learned to play like me.
· This is not a stupid problem, not at all. Children don’t suddenly become good sports when they’re older if that’s not how they were taught. It is also very important that you demonstrate good sportsmanship. Which means being gracious when you inevitably lose when they gang up on you.
