It’s real work, and I’m happy and grateful to everyone who is good at it.
Half the people you tell about it will envy him, 100 percent won’t care as much as you do, the slim minority who judge him beneath them are fools – and anyone who stops to think about it knows that a university degree is not “It’s (just) about getting a so-called professional job.
It’s (also) about learning to think critically, to be part of a diverse and interesting community and to question yourself. All of these are obviously available outside of the college experience – and people can succeed in college without achieving zero mental expansion – but mental expansion is actually the commonly accepted point of an education.
Being embarrassed just shows people that you don’t understand. Instead, be proud that your son did the work and be proud that he is finding his own way in the world.
I hope you take this reader’s thoughts to heart:
· Please rethink this attitude. I guarantee your son realizes this and puts unnecessary pressure on himself to “succeed” on your terms. I had parents like that, where I was made to believe that things like waiting tables and bartending were beneath me, so when I graduated, they were. a lot. anxiety. that I didn’t have a “real job”. Instead of doing something meaningful and waiting at the table or doing odd jobs until I figured it out, I ended up applying to graduate school for a master’s degree that I wasn’t interested in and for which I was completely unprepared. I ended up being $50,000 in debt because I grew up in a household that didn’t respect working anything other than 9-5. Please don’t do this to your children.
Dear Carolyne: My in-laws never say thank you. My husband noticed it himself. How should I treat?
No thanks: Deal with knowing that they don’t say thank you and never will, and relieving yourself of the burden of any expectation that they will one day say thank you.
People are weird. It’s their weirdness. Roll with it. Make sure they thank you deep in their hearts – but can’t say it out loud because they come from a country where saying thank you carries life sentences to tinny music and unflattering haircuts.
Re: Thank you! : At least they are equal on this point. Mine only thanks my husband, even though I’m the one handing over the credit card for dinner.
Dear Carolyne: My husband and I became friends with another couple over the past year. We really like them both individually; they are funny and interesting people. But especially when we are at their house, the dynamic between them is tense. They harshly criticize each other’s decisions and tastes, and they ask us to choose sides, even over small things. This week, for example, one bought a chair that the other called ugly, and they put my husband on the spot to decide who was right.
How can we graciously refuse to be drawn into their spats?
Out of the middle: “No way, not our fight.” Could solve so many problems at once.
Or, touch the tension points with a blinding sun: “This is the most beautiful chair my eyes have ever seen.” »
