Billie Eilish says she’s ‘distressing’ the 2019 version of herself: ‘She’s drowned in the world’ – PEOPLE

At 22, Billie Eilish finds her place in the world.

In a new cover interview with rolling stonethe Grammy and Oscar winner spoke about making her upcoming album, Hit me hard and softand how the process made her miss the 2019 version of herself.

“I feel like this album is me,” Eilish told the outlet. “It’s not a character. It’s as if the When we all fall asleep, where do we go? version of me. It feels like my youth and what I was like as a kid.”

The musician’s career began around 2016 with singles like “Six Feet Under” and “Ocean Eyes,” but her fame really exploded with her 2018 album, When we all fall asleep, where do we go?which spawned hits such as “Bad Guy,” “When the Party’s Over” and “You Should See Me in a Crown.”

Eilish didn’t expect to achieve massive success and win multiple Grammy Awards during her early period, and although that period was overwhelming, she now considers it “the best time of my life.”

“This whole process made me feel like I was getting back to the girl I was,” she said of filming Hit me hard and soft, scheduled for release on May 17. “I mourned her. I looked everywhere for her, and it’s almost like she was drowned in the world and the media. I don’t remember when she left.”

Depression has been a part of Eilish’s life for a long time, but she said rolling stone his poor mental health seemed “more real than ever” during the summer of 2023. “In my entire life, I’ve never been a happy person, really. I have been a happy person, but not a happy person,” she said.

“I’ve suffered from a lot of depression my whole life,” Eilish added. “When things happen to my soul, or anything, the thing I’ve always held on to is, ‘Well, it’s going to pass. It’s going to come in waves and it’s going to get worse and it’s going to get better. ‘ And that always brought me comfort, and this time I literally said to myself, “I don’t care, I don’t even want it to get better.”

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Her family helped her through the tough times, and Eilish finally “reached a turning point,” realizing she hadn’t left the house alone in years — and that she needed to. “I had this moment where I was like, ‘Oh, my God, I haven’t had fun in seven years.’ Really,” she explained, noting that her career was busy, but her life was not. “I didn’t go out for five years. How was I supposed to have experiences?”

For the first time in a long time, she began venturing into grocery stores, concerts, parties, and other stores – which was a big deal, considering she had long been “scared” of what might happen outside her home.

“It’s just scary for someone like me, and even though it’s not scary, it means being present and vulnerable and being seen and filmed and whatever. But with all that in mind, I chose to do what scares me more,” Eilish said.

Elsewhere in the rolling stone In one post, she recalled advice John Mayer gave her at the height of her rise to fame in 2019. “I remember him saying, ‘I have a feeling it’s going to look like this forever, but it will go away, and in the near future’ in the way you want to accept it, because it will calm down and people won’t act like she’s Bigfoot when they see her.” Eilish said.

“That really stuck with me, because I was like, ‘No, it’s going to be like this forever, and everywhere I go, people are going to look at me like they’ve just seen a ghost,'” added the singer. “If I do it well, I can exist.”

If you or someone you know needs mental health help, text “STRENGTH” to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 to be connected with a certified crisis counselor.