- When Chuck Norris divides, there is no remainder.
- Chuck Norris counted to infinity…twice.
- Why is 6 afraid of Chuck Norris? Because Chuck Norris 8 9.
You must love a good Chuck Norris joke. You also have to like a good/bad Chuck Norris movie. With that, I present to you browning, a.k.a The Octagon, a lazy khaki square wrap that cuts every corner for maximum cheese. Not only does this have one of the highest kill counts for a Chuck Norris movie (Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends), but it should be in the Guinness Book of World Records for “The Greatest number of brown colors in the history of cinema!”
On the grand scale of Chuck Norris movies (If Chuck Norris was a Spartan in the movie 300, the film would be called 1) browning, a.k.a The Octagon is a spacious little mustache-only 103 minutes Chuckles doing what he does best: opening a box of Whoopass (Popeye eats boxes of Chuck Norris for strength). This film showcases his talents, not only as an actor (“They’re not terrorists! They’re NINJAS!”), but also his incredible array of voices! For some (lame) reason they felt that a movie with swords, ninjas and roundhouse kicks needed to be more in-depth and analytical, so when Chuck Norris thinks, we have the pleasure of hearing his random thoughts with a voiceover (Chuck Norris once shot down an enemy plane with his finger while shouting “Bang!”)
As for the plot of this sepia-tinged masterpiece, Ol’ Chuckles is a retired karate champion who comes into contact with an international ninja cult that expands its reach into terrorism. global. If you can follow it, good for you. If you can’t, good for you. Either way, you paid your money to see Chuck Norris kill a few ninjas with his furious fists and the movie doesn’t let you down (when Chuck Norris does a pushup, he’s pushing the Earth down). Directed by Eric Carson, who continued to give us classics like opposing force and Van-Damme’s age classic black Eagle (and who also loves the color scale of that brown floral sofa your grandma bought in 1972), this little celluloid taupe corduroy gives you everything from explosive ninjas to hot women to a dancing Chuck Norris (Chuck Norris can tap dance through a minefield…wearing clown shoes).
You can find Browning, a.k.a The Octagon on most streaming services, such as Tubi or YouTube, as well as a special edition DVD, with a rousing bonus feature on how movies like Browning, a.k.a The Octagon, changed Hollyweird for the better (Chuck Norris doesn’t make any misspellings; Merriam-Webster will just change the word). So pull down those scorched umber curtains, heat up a gas station pan moo goo gai pan and watch this classic Chuck Norris international terrorism ninja and remember… it only takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch it . 60 minutes…