That said, it may be helpful for you to talk to your husband about what specifically prevents him from going to long-term therapy. Is he afraid that it is not confidential? Is he convinced that he does not need it, because it is “for other people”? Does he think that makes him weak? Anything else?
There may also be cultural factors at play, and I can understand those as an Indian woman. Emotional expression is influenced by how we are raised and how our parents shaped it. Finding a therapist who shares his culture can help your husband feel more seen and at ease.
When you focus on the specific issues that keep him from going to therapy, you can address them in more depth. You can educate him on what therapy really is and how it works. You can de-stigmatize him by using pop culture references — like interviews with his favorite celebrities or watching movies or shows that incorporate him.
If individual therapy seems too daunting, you can offer couples therapy or pursue your own counseling to model the experience at home.
Finally, explain to your husband how showing emotion will benefit him, your marriage, and you. By focusing on the outcome, you are able to frame the conversation in a positive light rather than focusing on a shortcoming.
Dear Sahaj: Many of my friends become new parents. How do I navigate the friendship as they transition into early parenthood and set limits on how we spend time when we’re not in the same phase of life?
— Same friend, new baby
Same friend, new baby: It takes time for friendships to recalibrate after big life events.
There is a difference between passive friends and active friends. In the first case, you may have less in common or you see them less often, but they are still relationships that you value, and in the second, you want to actively nurture them and prioritize these relationships. Consider which group these friends belong to to decide how much and what to give. For example, how much do you want to be involved with your friends’ children?
If you want, you can be part of their support system as they adjust to this big change. In this case, it may be important to have a vulnerable conversation about this they or they need as they navigate this important transition. Maybe meeting at certain times is better than at others. Or maybe offering to help with some chores, like preparing meals, can be a way to show your support. You’ll want to acknowledge your own ability while acknowledging that theirs will likely be reduced as he navigates parenthood.
Finally, it is important that you manage your expectations. If you used to hang out with these friends every weekend, that’s unlikely now with a newborn. How can you change your expectations to give them grace while maintaining relationships? How can you also invest in other relationships to relieve the pressure of those friendships?
A baby, while life changing, is not a permanent addition. Eventually the baby grows and a parent has more time and capacity to incorporate other things into their life. It might be uncomfortable that you’re not in the same phase of life, but that doesn’t mean you don’t care about each other or don’t want to be in each other’s lives.
