Dear Amy: This summer, my husband and I will attend his brother’s wedding abroad.
It will be an expensive trip, with a two-day celebration and a black tie dress code.
I am a full time graduate student. I also work. Most of my paycheck is used to cover my expenses. My husband’s income also goes to our bills.
While we receive some money from my in-laws to help cover the cost of the wedding, we will still be spending quite a bit of our own money.
I am very enthusiastic about the idea of going there, even with the cost. However, I have a question on how I can save money on clothes.
Two years ago, my husband and I got married in a tiny ceremony with our immediate family – his brother was unable to attend. I went with a very non-traditional look – a blue dress that I took out of the sales rack. It is a beautiful dress, but not one that people would naturally assume to be a wedding dress.
I was wondering if I could wear it to this wedding to save money.
She’s sticky and I’m afraid the rest of the family will recognize the dress and feel like I’m trying to “show the bride”.
My other idea was to modify the hem of the dress or even make a fancy combination.
I want to be as respectful as possible to the newlyweds, while refraining from spending much of my savings on an outfit that I will probably never wear again. What is the best course of action to take here?
– Marriage woes
Marriage woes: You can research the cost of renting a dress (most of which I looked seemed quite expensive).
Otherwise, I say yes to the dress – with a few modifications. If you could wear it “as is” and not feel sticky, you should – but it doesn’t sound like you can.
If you can afford to change the dress, I vote against the idea of the pantsuit and I suggest making a long skirt. You can then pair it with any variety of tops (borrowed or bought second-hand). The skirts are extremely versatile and you would probably wear them again.
Dear Amy: I have a friend from high school. We were also college roommates. Throughout the university, I regarded her as my sister and we became very close. I often invited her when I went out with other friends, and she had several meals with my parents.
After college, we split up and communication fell.
I told her several times that I would like to speak more often, but she brushed it aside and even said, “This is adult life. I don’t really talk to anyone anymore.”
This friend’s wedding is approaching in June and she didn’t ask me to be a bridesmaid. I felt hurt and angry about it, but I respect his choice.
I am torn to attend the wedding. She was a very close friend at one time and I honor the time we spent together, but we are not close as we were before and attending the wedding can only hurt me more. Plus, it’s an out-of-state wedding, so the cost of attending is more than I would like to spend.
Am I a bad person if I don’t attend the wedding? Is our future friendship compromised if I don’t go?
– Conflict
Conflict: Here’s more of “adult life”: relationships grow and fall. You weren’t asked to participate in this wedding because she doesn’t feel so close to you, but she does the polite thing and honors your former closeness by inviting you to attend this important event.
Attending the wedding could (possibly) put you back in the other’s orbit – but probably not. If your feelings are going to be hurt, then don’t participate.
Know that if you don’t participate, your friendship will be over, but it looks like it’s been over for a while now. Staying at home does not make you a “bad person”.
Dear Amy: Like “M”, my husband and I never wanted children, and I miss the monologues about children.
There is nothing wrong with her, me or others who feel the same.
I do exactly what you suggest – listen politely for about a minute, then return to my office.
– No children for me
No children for me: Being polite is not that heavy.
