I feel sad about ending these friendships, but I already feel behind. Does a true friend see racism as a character flaw and accept it for what it is, or have I moved past these relationships?
Anti-racist: Yes, loved ones can sometimes learn to accept and forgive character flaws. But what you’re talking about doesn’t fall into the category of “character flaws.” Racism is a choice, and a racist person has many opportunities to learn, reflect, and change their mind.
You describe yourself as “anti-racist”. An anti-racist has an ethical duty to try to engage with racist people and institutions in order to inspire this type of change.
The Smithsonian National Museum of African American History and Culture has published a guide on how to incorporate anti-racist ideals into your own life. They propose:
“Seek clarity: “Tell me more about ____. »
“Offer an alternative perspective: “Have you ever thought about ____. »
“Speak your truth: ‘I don’t see things the way you do.’ I see it as _____.’
“Find common ground: ‘We disagree on _____ but we can agree on _____.’”
“Give yourself the time and space you need: ‘Could we revisit this conversation about ____ tomorrow.'”
“Set boundaries: ‘Please don’t say _____ to me or around me again.’ »
To live your ideals, this would mean continuing to communicate with these racist friends. I could categorize this effort as “life is too short,” but the final decision will be yours.
Dear Amy: My daughter is in second grade. She is an only child and it is above all a pleasure to be with her. However, his father and I noticed a tendency to object to a rule or limit. Sometimes, especially when she feels comfortable, she crosses the line. She will act loud, bold, demanding and – just sort of obnoxious.
She begged us to let her have a sleepover at her friend’s house. The friend is a really nice girl and her parents seem great, even though we don’t know them intimately. The girls had successful play dates. I’m not sure my daughter will be on her best behavior during the night, and her father and I are debating the best approach.
Parents: Your daughter may not be ready to spend the night at another child’s house, but she may be ready to have another child over for a sleepover. Accommodation could offer him an important perspective on his own behavior. The risk of sending her to another child’s house before she can behave prosocially is that if things go wrong, she won’t be asked back.
I suggest you talk to other foster parents and ask them to call you if your daughter becomes aggressive, demanding, or too rude at home, and let your daughter know that you will take her home if her behavior becomes a problem. You should coach her on ways to modulate her behavior and practice ways for her to be a good guest and friend.
Dear Amy: “Perplexed parents” demanded that their daughter only get As and Bs in college. When I was in college as an older adult (40), I got mostly As and Bs. I got a C in my third grade calculus class. A lot of us got Cs.
I still remember my teacher’s words: “A ‘C’ may seem bad to you, but remember that your grade is higher and you have learned more than those who are not taking this course, or even going at University. These parents must rethink their demands.
Was there: I give you a solid A.
© 2024 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency.
