My wife and I have never lived alone during our entire marriage and she is getting frustrated. My wife doesn’t have children and she thinks it’s time to remove mine from our home. This puts so much strain on me because I feel like I have to choose my wife or my son. Honestly, I’m torn and now they’re starting to argue more. I feel completely torn.
Torn: Your unemployed adult son living at home is not “your” problem. Overall, it’s everyone’s business, but mostly it’s theirs – and their main task right now should be to solve their own problem. Don’t count on his father to motivate him, he doesn’t live in his father’s house. You and your wife must approach this issue as equal partners in your household, and you must present a joint strategy on how to raise him to adulthood.
The current unemployment rate in Wisconsin is very low, at 3 percent. Your son doesn’t need another special opportunity because of his intelligence. He wastes these opportunities because he knows he can. He needs to find a job. At a fast food drive-thru, landscaping crew, Walmart warehouse or wherever he can be hired. Working a full day will give him a skill set, money in his pocket and self-esteem.
I would turn off the wireless at your house during the day, stop paying for his cell phone, and only offer him shelter and food until he can afford another place to live. I know it’s difficult, but your marriage is on the line, and so is its future. Many parents have solved this problem by offering their adult children the option of working full time or joining a branch of the military, which, given your son’s interests, might actually be a great fit for him.
Dear Amy: My sister will get her doctorate. out of state this summer. My wife and I have a one-year-old and a three-year-old. Bringing the whole family would be too much for a one year old to handle. I would like to bring our older child, who is close to the aunt who graduated.
My wife can’t stand having the older child accompany me because she wants to be there for that child’s first plane ride. She recognizes that it is a selfish desire. Should we go as a family, despite the headaches that flying with a baby will cause, or should I go alone?
Harassed: I have to admit that as someone who has flown — a lot — with my daughter when she was a baby and toddler, and then with many other children of varying ages, I don’t see flying with a three year old as being the important and unavoidable step that your wife seems to perceive it to be.
(I still have flashbacks of racing from one end of the Dallas airport to the other with my daughter, repeatedly dropping our carry-on bags and matching backpacks as we go.)
If the trip to your sister’s graduation is a direct flight of three hours or less, I’d take the whole gang. If the trip requires a complicated connection, I suggest going solo.
Dear Amy: As for the ongoing discussion about pressuring students to get As and Bs, I was a recruiter for a decade and spent another decade in the onboarding phase of the job.
These parents worry about grades…for employment reasons, grades don’t matter. College is a question of yes or no.
Recruiter: Grades can be important for graduate school. A diploma is important for employment.
© 2024 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency.
