The problem is that he hung a large flag (replacing the worn-out original with an even bolder new one) a few feet from our garden fence. This flag contains a message representing ideals that are abhorrent to us.
No profanity, just divisiveness with hurtful implications. I don’t think it’s an intentional attack on us or anything like that.
We cannot avoid seeing it and hearing it flapping in the wind whenever we are in our yard. It extends up to about 10 feet off the ground, so it cannot be hidden from view. (No other neighbor can see it.)
Visitors to our house commented, “What do you think of this flag? “I could get rid of it for you, ha-ha”, etc.
My husband and I don’t want to lose Charles’ friendship or ruin what has been a good relationship for years. But it is very upsetting to me – a constant reminder of the ugly divisions in our country.
I find myself avoiding my own yard (and feeling bad about my neighbor).
Torn up: You don’t provide any details about this flag – nor do you say what your personal policy is – so I’m determined to look at this issue from a broad spectrum.
(I assume that this flag does not contain words or symbols that could incite violence, but represents ideas or values in direct opposition to your own.)
You also don’t seem to have ever asked your neighbor if he could move the flag to another spot in his yard, so it wasn’t flying so distractedly near yours.
We live in a country where everyone is free to let their weird flag fly, and where people like you and your neighbor can live cordially and peacefully side by side – everyone free to speak up, or keep quiet, if that’s what you prefer to do.
Your options are to fly your own flag or banner, express your own opinions directly or indirectly through a multitude of media, or exercise your own freedom to keep your own thoughts to yourself.
I can’t tell you how you feel, but you might feel differently if you could reframe that. “Tolerance” is a challenge to tolerate the free speech of others, even if you find their real opinions abhorrent.
So when friends ask you what you think of your neighbor’s flag, you can reply, “Well, every day when I see it, I’m bound to appreciate the First Amendment.” So – God bless America!
dear Amy: There was recently a problem of infidelity (on my part) between my husband and me. We are working on our marriage and things seem to be going much better.
When it first happened he turned to his friends quite upset and the majority of them blocked me etc.
His best friend doesn’t talk to me much anymore, but I reached out to him to let him know that I love him and his girlfriend, that I don’t want to lose them and that I hope they don’t hate me .
He replied, stating that he is not judgmental until he gives her time to see how my husband is feeling.
When it comes time for me to see them (they all live out of state), do you have any tips for not feeling uncomfortable, awkward or scared?
I’m afraid they’ll hate me and look at me with hate all the time.
Nervous: Your husband’s best friend answered you honestly and responsibly. You also handled this meeting well.
Other than that, it’s important for you and your husband to let it be known that you’re fixing your relationship, but otherwise the inner workings of your marriage will remain private.
dear Amy: “To have enoughwrote to you about her daughter, whose high school friends rejected her, leading her to complete her education online.
This weakness is what is wrong with this country today.
You should have called her; instead, you pampered her.
Disappointed: I don’t think “calling out” a vulnerable person is necessarily helpful.
©2022 by Amy Dickinson distributed by Tribune Content Agency