When my mother died, he posted a “tribute” to her on his blog and promoted it on all of his accounts. He included many personal details, including her maiden and married names.
A few days ago he forwarded me an email from a man who had read his blog. The man said he had done some genealogical research and determined that his grandmother and my mother were half-sisters. He asked if our family knew about this and invited someone to contact him for more information, if he was interested.
My grandparents were very candid about their past and never indicated that they were hiding a secret. If so, it was clearly information they did not want to share. I know my husband never wanted something like this to happen, but I blame him for putting me in this situation by ignoring my request for confidentiality.
I have no interest in pursuing this, but other family members might feel otherwise. Should I share this with them? I’m very upset and I don’t know what to do.
Private: People who are more public with their social media sharing should respect the privacy of other people in their lives who have the right to control their own personal or private information. Your husband should have shown you his tribute to your late mother before posting it to his followers.
I maintain that the reason he didn’t get this message to you ahead of time is that he didn’t want you to interfere or change it. Its writer’s ego ran the show. It was callous of her to make that particular choice.
However, the information you object to sharing (your mother’s birth name and married surname) would also be published in a newspaper obituary, on the funeral home’s website, in an obituary, or in a number of memorial tributes online. . The alleged parent’s contact would eventually have reached you.
Someone who links their family to your family through their own genealogical research does not make it a fact. I suggest that because this contact went through your husband and you are not interested in following up, you can leave the decision to him to pass it on to other family members.
If the other members of your family also object to his oversharing, he should hear it from them and face the personal consequences of his choice.
Dear Amy: I’m afraid to drive with most of my friends. These women tend to speed to 80-90 mph in the passing lane of our interstate highways. Our speed limit is 70 mph.
They assure me that they know what they are doing and are aware of their surroundings. I don’t want to ride with them for fear of getting killed on the road. I am a responsible driver and obey speed limits and laws. Am I ridiculous?
Nervous: Being “ridiculous” and safe is better than being a passenger in a car accident.
This is from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (nhtsa.gov): “For more than two decades, speeding has been implicated in approximately one-third of all motor vehicle fatalities. In 2020, speed was a contributing factor in 29% of all traffic fatalities.
“Speed also affects your safety, even when driving at the speed limit but too fast for road conditions, such as in bad weather, when a road is under repair, or in an area at night that is not well lit.
“Exceeding speed endangers not only the life of the speeder, but everyone on the road around them, including law enforcement.”
Dear Amy: “Heartsick in the Heartlandsaid he wanted to ask his eldest son to have his DNA tested as he suspected the son may not be biologically related to him.
Thank you for pointing out how devastating the “demand” would be – for the whole family.
Upset: This father’s suggestion was heartbreaking.
© 2023 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by content agency Tribune.
