Ask Amy: My husband insists he is faithful. I don’t trust him.

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Ask Amy: My husband insists he is faithful.  I don’t trust him.


Dear Amy: I married a lovely man two years ago. We lived together for three years before getting married. We met when his first long-term marriage was falling apart. We are both 70 years old. We spend most of our time together, but my husband has always kept most other aspects of his life a little distant from our marriage. He insists that he is faithful.

While doing our tax preparation, I noticed that four “dentist visits” are non-existent, according to the insurance company. I believe he lied about where he was on the days he claimed to have been to the dentist.

We have, ad nauseam, discussed loyalty. I tried to trust him, even though I knew he had cheated on his wife. How can I handle this situation?

Should I let it go, do I hire a private investigator or should I just let him know that secretive behavior is going to ruin my emotional well-being?

Sad wife: You don’t mention other examples of behavior that you believe is “taken out of your marriage”, and so I wonder why you jump so easily to infidelity as the root cause – unless, of course, you have was your husband’s partner when he was unfaithful. to his first wife.

Maybe you were his ghost dentist during his first marriage? If so, you are detecting a pattern of deception because in the past you were part of it. I can think of many activities your husband could do during his non-existent dentist appointments that he might want to keep private, including having sex with another person.

I know this: Most couples who have been married for two years don’t have “ad nauseam” discussions about infidelity. Also, I don’t think most couples check their spouse’s various appointments to the extent you did – unless your husband is claiming dental expenses that don’t exist for tax deductions . If so, then you could add fraud to the possibility of him being a womanizer. Yes, there is an extreme lack of trust in your relationship, and before you hire a private investigator — or leave altogether — you should both sit down with a counselor.

If your husband doesn’t want to go, you should seek therapy on your own. If your gut is telling you that your husband is being unfaithful, therapy will help you decide what to do next, because you’re right: staying in this marriage without change is not at all good for your emotional well-being.

Dear Amy: I have been with my girlfriend for three years. We live together and get along very well. We are very open to each other. We also use each other’s phones – no big deal – but we don’t go through each other’s phones. I never read her text messages and I guess she never read mine.

I recently used his phone because mine was in our car. I was looking for something when a text message came from his sister. I could see my name mentioned in the notification, so I clicked on it and saw a whole conversation with his sister about me. I was completely shocked by what I saw. She criticized my look, my habits, even our sex life. She called me an offensive name. It was just a flood of terrible things.

Now I don’t know what to do. I love him and I don’t want to break up. Maybe she was just upset about something and was venting?

Dumped on: When you’re upset about something and venting, do you destroy it (or someone else you love) by using derisive and offensive language? When you are angry with her, do you criticize her appearance, her habits, and your sex life? I suppose not.

She doesn’t respect you. Couples can come back from a lot of things, but once basic respect is gone, I don’t think you can get it back. You have a difficult conversation and a difficult choice to make.

Dear Amy: You provided an “update” to a “Mom unplugged», who was worried about his young sons’ immersion in video games.

So things went well because she probably followed your advice. As a statistician, I have to say that things could have gone well if she hadn’t followed your advice. There’s no way to know. I wouldn’t be so quick to put a feather in your cap.

Brand: My cap remains decidedly featherless. THANKS.

© 2024 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency.

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