Recently she posted my and my fiancé’s wedding date on Facebook, stating, “I’m so excited for a wedding month wedding!” and tag us.
This was before we (the current couple) announced it.
I told him to take it off and explained to him how much of a violation it was.
She finally said she understood where we were coming from and withdrew the post, but on the same day she posted a funny story about OUR dog (i.e. mine and my fiance’s) that I had told him.
None of us had shared this on social media, ourselves. It was by telephone conversation. We live across the country.
I know the easy answer is not to post what we don’t want to share, but she will also post things that we tell her over the phone.
It is difficult for her to be an empty breeder. But I want her to understand that the only way to talk to her about things is if she can respect the fact that we don’t want it to be “shared” with the world.
If I don’t talk to her or tell her about our lives, she’s on a huge journey of guilt that she “doesn’t even know us anymore.”
Too much sharing: You seem to have explained the implicit confidentiality agreement that family members should adhere to on social media. I wonder if your mom understands how posts and photos can be shared with people completely outside of your circle (and her).
This is especially a violation when it comes to weddings, pregnancies, job changes, etc., as her choosing to post about these things before you’re ready could hurt (or ruin) other relationships.
She does not have the right to “take” your personal story and distribute it widely.
Strictly speaking, reposting photos of you without your permission is in fact – illegal.
You should tell her that if she continues to do this, you will feel pressured to completely disengage on social media. Say you see this as both a last resort and a natural consequence of its (extreme) violation of your privacy.
Otherwise, check your FB privacy settings to see how you can “review” the messages you are tagged in. You can also control who sees the posts you are tagged with.
Dear Amy: I am a 40 year old single mother, never married.
Whenever I meet new people or have new patients (I work with older people), I am always asked what my husband does for a living, and when I say, “Oh, I haven’t. never been married, ”people express such disbelief! They wonder what’s wrong with me and what I’m going to do with myself if I never find someone.
Then they have the nerve to say to me: “… well, you are only 40 years old, you still have a little time to find someone”, as if there was some kind of limit long to find a husband.
I’m happy with my life, but I’m starting to feel like I’m the only 40-year-old single in the world.
How can I shut people up before I am bombarded with questions that I have no answers to? Why do people care so much?
Single and ok: Because you work with older people, you confront their values, their curiosity and their desire to communicate with you.
A polite way to handle this would be to say, “I AM happy. I myself, my child … and you! Then turn away, making a sympathetic observation about them: “Looks like you’ve been lucky in your love life. Tell me more!”
Dear Amy: I am concerned about the misinformation in your response to “Mum About Medical”, who disliked answering questions about his coronavirus vaccine status.
You wrote: “Primarily, the vaccination protects you from the more serious illness caused by the coronavirus. But the vaccination also helps protect others, because if you don’t get covid-19, you won’t propel it.”
This is incorrect. People vaccinated can be asymptomatic carriers.
That is why even people who have been vaccinated should continue to wear masks.
2021 by Amy Dickinson distributed by Tribune Content Agency