He explained to me that since he had to pay utilities, insurance and property taxes anyway, my presence would not increase his expenses. He then suggested I use my savings to pay off my student loans and credit card debt. I asked him how I could one day repay his generosity. He responded by saying, “You could reward me by being the best mother possible to our future children.” » I don’t know if he was joking or if he was serious!
Should I accept his offer? It would be great to finally be able to pay off my debts. However, my friends and family will definitely call me a gold digger. Plus, I’m not quite ready for marriage and kids. Is this offer too good to be true?
Wondering: You might call this deal too good to be true. I would say it is: too risky to consider.
Where to start? First of all, if you offer your ability to have a baby in exchange for living expenses, you will never repay your debt – you will only exchange it for a different currency. (You would also be participating in a relationship that looks a lot like the “traditional marriage” of my parents’ generation, but that’s another conversation.)
You are 30 years old. Obviously you’re a college graduate. Have you ever seen even one true crime show or listened to a podcast? If that were the case, you’d be skeptical enough to look into “Rob’s” background, social media presence, and dating apps to try to gauge his intentions. Their choice to offer you an instant solution to your money problems is a huge red flag.
His suggestion that you were the mother of his children could have been a joke or a suggestion intended to point you in a specific direction. Either way, you don’t even know him well enough to decode his intentions. If you participated in this program, you would be stuck in the foyer. This is the best case scenario.
The worst case scenario involves a “missing” poster with your photo on it and a “Dateline” camera crew showing up at your parents’ door. You should ask your friends and family members for ideas regarding your finances. You could find a roommate, a second job, or maybe ask your parents if you can move in with them to get out of debt.
Dear Amy: I am in trouble. My wife and I are in our late 20s. We managed to buy our own house last year and are planning to have a child within a few years.
My wife began to advocate vigorously for her parents to move in with us. I would consider this if they weren’t feeling well and needed help, but that’s not the case. They are in their 50s, in good health and live about an hour’s drive away. I do NOT get along with my in-laws, due to some issues we have had over the past five years. I don’t entirely blame them for these confrontations, but their behavior towards me was extremely disrespectful. (For example, after a minor disagreement during an overnight stay, they insisted I had to leave their home – but my wife could stay.)
I’m talking here about the meeting of oil and water. We just don’t mix well. How should I approach this?
Husband: You approach this issue by stating categorically that you will not cohabit with his parents. Don’t put down his parents. Say that you and her are a home and a family together, and it is essential that you do not introduce oil into your still waters.
Dear Amy: I was really touched by the question of “Blocked”, about his dysfunctional relationship with his brother. I could have written that! Thank you for your gentle and understanding approach. Your description of this as a “perpetual dance of disappointment” is spot on.
Brother: I hope you’ve found some encouragement to try rewriting your own screenplay.
© 2024 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency.
