I believe I deserve to be happy at the end of my life. I would rather end my time on earth happy and single than miserably married! I asked him to go to marriage counseling, but he claims he doesn’t need it, so I went to marriage counseling alone. I always go there — and it helps me a lot!
Should I divorce and end my life doing what I love? Or should I follow the advice of a few friends who said: why bother leaving him after so many years? I want to say it’s called “happiness”, but I feel like I’m wrong in justifying my feelings. I’m so tired of living in poverty.
In misery : You describe your life as miserable. And so – change it.
You have sought extensive advice from various stakeholders, but you do not mention consulting an attorney. There are many practical and legal considerations you need to educate yourself about, and after years of helping and covering for your husband, it’s time for you to take care of yourself.
While you seek legal advice and consider your options, you should also plan a trip – and do it. Sign up with a tour group or go with friends. Being away from your home environment and alone will provide important perspective on your options and the choices you must make. Attend Al-Anon meetings (al-anon.org) would help you understand some of your own behaviors and connect you with others who are also dealing with a loved one’s alcohol abuse.
Dear Amy: My wife and I have a 14 month old baby. Overall, we’ve adjusted to parenthood pretty well. My wife works full time and I have to take graduate classes three days a week, so we looked into the possibility of daycare. We checked some places and all had pros and cons. The one we thought would be best for us is very close to my wife’s office, so it would be convenient to give birth there.
We made an appointment and went to visit the place. It was clean and organized. There are about 10 babies in the “yellow room,” our child’s age range. When we went to look at the room, three of the babies were crying and the caregivers in the room were interacting with each other and not responding to the babies.
We asked the director about this and she told us that they don’t usually always respond to crying babies because letting them cry “teaches them resilience.” She made it sound like their “best practice” policy. Is it true? Should we feel comfortable leaving our child there?
Concerned: Does ignoring babies when they cry teach them resilience? No.
Above all, neglect makes babies anxious. And so they cry more. It’s an inescapable fact: babies cry. Adults can’t always react instantly when babies cry, and that’s life. But should ignoring crying babies be a guiding principle in a company where their sole function is to care for babies and children? No, that’s absurd.
Keep watching. Look for warmth, a “come anytime” policy, and (if you’re interested) cameras that let you monitor what’s going on. Check online reviews, talk to people, and check their social media presence. And remember, it’s called daycare, don’t worry about it.
Dear Amy: “Loving husband” wondered how to respond to his wife when she noticed how wrinkled and aged she looked. My husband’s response: “In my eyes, I will always see you as when we first met.”
Roxanne: This is the beautiful, anti-aging answer I was trying to push this husband towards.
© 2024 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency.
