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Ask Amy: I want a quiet wedding reception. My fiancé says it’s “irrational”.

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dear Amy: My fiancé and I are planning our wedding. As a bride, I plan to make certain requests of my guests, to make sure my special day is as perfect as possible. For example, I ask my guests to wear exclusively yellow during the ceremony.

My fiancé supported me, but he angrily rejected my other request: that our guests remain silent throughout the ceremony and reception (to ensure the focus remains on us). My fiancé said it was irrational. He doesn’t want to have a silent marriage.

I know it’s rare. I’ve never heard of anyone else having one, but we had one in my family. Guests are not allowed to speak at all during the ceremony, and the only toasts allowed are those of the mothers of the bride and groom. Instrumental music will play quietly.

During the reception, guests can whisper to each other, but cannot speak out loud. As a newly married couple, our attention should remain solely on each other rather than rowdy guests.

I know it’s a lot to ask, but I think I should have the wedding I want, so that the start of our life together is perfect. I want him to support me, even if we disagree on something.

Is my fiancé’s lack of understanding and support a red flag?

The silence: Congratulations! You are about to achieve legendary Bridezilla status. Yes, there are plenty of flags flying over this unusual case (and they’re yellow, of course).

I hope your fiancé is paying attention, because if you’re that self-absorbed now – I can only imagine what the dynamic will be like later, for example if you choose to have children.

Somewhere along the line, you seem to have gotten the idea that a wedding is for the bride alone, to serve her whims and fancies. No. Public weddings are family events and should celebrate the union of two families.

Your fiancé’s job is not to support you, even if your ideas are stupid. That’s not how marriage works.

Let’s start with your request that all guests wear yellow. I’ve yet to see a man’s yellow outfit that doesn’t look like a giant banana.

Let’s go silent. Generally, guests do not speak during wedding ceremonies unless they are asked to read aloud. But a silent welcome? Aside from some of the traditions associated with a Quaker wedding (which obviously aren’t yours), the idea of ​​a quiet reception goes well with your color palette: basically bananas.

If you don’t want rowdy guests, limit (or don’t serve) alcohol. If you want the focus to be solely and exclusively on you, then get married in a small room, standing in front of a mirror.

dear Amy: My husband and I invited my side of the family for Thanksgiving dinner. However, our niece and nephew asked if they could bring five more people to our dinner.

We don’t know these people (apart from two of them) and so my husband said no as we had two newborns coming but mostly we think it was very rude to ask our niece and to our nephew.

We would have accepted the two people we knew, but beyond that, no way. What is your opinion on this?

Fear: Thanksgiving is traditionally a dinner where the spirit is open and hospitable. It is also traditionally a dinner party which can be very difficult to prepare and organize.

My basic point is that it’s not necessarily rude to ask to bring more guests, unless the request itself makes the hosts feel pushed into a corner, which this request obviously has do. Five people is a lot of extra people to accommodate.

They asked, the answer was no, and – assuming they accepted the answer graciously – hopefully everyone moved on.

dear Amy: I think you were wrong in your answer to “Please clean up!“She was about to move in with a friend whose apartment was extremely dirty.

You suggested that she should have walked into her boyfriend’s messy apartment on the first date and said, “No, no, no.” It’s vulgar!

She should feel comfortable enough with a boyfriend she’s moving in with to raise tough questions. She should raise this in a nicer way.

A: I was a bit sardonic. My general point was that she should have reacted honestly to the condition of the apartment early on.

©2022 by Amy Dickinson distributed by Tribune Content Agency

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