I struggle with this. I know it’s his cat, but I can’t bear the thought of another one disappearing because of this reckless behavior. I feel very critical/angry and maybe don’t want to stay friends with her. I can’t decide if I should stand by and not judge, or should I give up on the friendship?
Cat lovers: There are many credible reports showing that allowing a cat to roam outside significantly shortens its lifespan and that indoor cats live much longer.
This is from the ASPCA (aspca.org): “Please keep your cat indoors. Outdoor cats don’t live as long as indoor cats. Outdoor cats are at risk of being traumatized by cars or from fights with other cats, raccoons and loose dogs. Coyotes are known to eat cats. Outdoor cats are more likely to be infested with fleas or ticks, as well as infectious diseases.
Your friend ignores this common sense advice and her young cats pay the price. Tell him that you hope for the best outcome and that you will do everything you can to help him. You don’t want to make her feel worse than she does now, but you can hope to encourage her to treat her animals differently. Once this issue is resolved, I think you should tell her that you find it upsetting that she allows her cats to roam freely outside, given the many risks they face.
And yes, depending on how she reacts to you and her animals, that would be a difficult thing to overcome.
Dear Amy: My husband and I have an adult daughter currently living at home. She has been dating “Tony” since they met in college. They’ve been together for almost six years and honestly, we all adore him.
We welcomed Tony into our family with open arms, spending many vacations and summer weeks together. He and my husband developed a very pleasant and close relationship. Tony and our daughter seem like a great couple and are talking about moving in together. We are honestly delighted.
Two weeks ago, Tony lowered the dam. He had cheated on our daughter. He asked her for forgiveness. After a few dramatic days, she agreed to stay with him, then he broke up with her! Honestly, I’m heartbroken. I feel cheated by his dishonesty and am incredibly disappointed in his lack of integrity. I have difficulty controlling my emotions. When I expressed some of these feelings to our daughter, she got mad at me!
I’m considering contacting Tony to give him my opinion. Should I? And how should I react to this at home?
Upset: You should respond to this by behaving like those wise mothers in the movies and keeping your feelings – and your thoughts – to yourself. Your daughter’s emotional bandwidth is limited. Your honest reaction might cause him to feel defensive about “Tony.”
You need to focus on your daughter and react only to her. If she wants comfort, give her that. If she wants to let off steam, let her do it without piling on. Assure her that she can get over this and that you and her father are always by her side, no matter what.
Dear Amy: I didn’t really appreciate your sarcastic feminist remarks in your response to “Dad upset»: “Your reward is being able to tell the children that they will finish their scheduled school week before going on vacation. » Really mature!
Not anymore: This father had offered his children two extra days of vacation without telling his wife. I suggested that he needed to take responsibility for his poor parenting by reversing his unilateral choice. I will add “Snide Feminist” to my T-shirt collection. THANKS!
© 2024 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency.
