I really have a hard time not getting upset or upset about this, especially after working more than eight hours.
What can I tell myself, or what kind of mindset can I adopt, to overcome this?
Disturbs: You asked about adopting a new mindset, versus taking action or moving towards leadership.
Recently, I studied “equanimity,” which is described as “steadiness of mind,” especially under stress. Equanimity is a state of not just acting calm, but actually feeling calm.
Buddhist teacher Pema Chodron describes ways to practice equanimity, describing a situation analogous to yours – sitting in heavy traffic, while people cut in front of you. This can be seen as an opportunity to practice your calming skills.
After your shift, you can say to yourself, “Okay, they’re coming. Here are my “teachers”, queuing. Don’t blame me. I will hang out here, quietly practice my equanimity and improve my life.
You can also try to develop compassion for these people, who may have to run to pick up children from daycare or who have other urgent needs that they feel outweigh yours.
That doesn’t excuse their rudeness, but choosing compassion can help you deal with it.
Deciding to do it under these kinds of circumstances can also make you smile, because you’re using someone else’s rudeness to better your own life.
dear Amy: My husband is the executor of his parents. He is the second of their three children and the oldest boy.
Her parents have, at best, a strained relationship with their daughter, “Anne.” As a result, they named Anne in their will only to declare that she would get nothing after they left.
They don’t talk to Anne about their choice, but often say to my husband: “You can take care of her! when the time comes. They say the look of disappointment on his face will be priceless.
My question is, why can’t they tell him now?
I asked them the question, and their answer was that “…it must be a surprise!” I really don’t understand why they aren’t the ones seeing the look on his face, if that’s what’s so important to them.
Why do they want to leave the “dirty work” to my husband and destroy his relationship with his sister? I believe if she knew now, she would “move on” with her own life, instead of trying to please them before they were gone.
There’s no law that says the contents of a will can’t be revealed before death, right?
I feel like they are putting my husband in a terrible position by making him the bearer of their wills, and that his sister will try to pressure him to change the terms of the will after they die.
It’s all very complex, but I think they would be doing everyone a favor if they just told him what their decision is now, before they leave.
upset: I agree with you; your in-laws seem extremely and unnecessarily petty about their last wishes. Their joy at disinheriting their daughter seems to overlook the fact that they won’t be around to see her expression when she learns of their choice.
They also put your husband in a terrible position. Executors must not disclose the details of a will without the permission of the testator (the person who writes the will).
If your husband is willing, he may choose to step down as executor. There is a fairly simple process by which he could do this.
Imagine the looks on his parents’ faces if he simply refused to be a part of their cruel game. But no matter what you (or me) think, how he handles it should be up to him.
dear Amy: In a recent reply to “K.K.“, you suggested that he might ask his date, “Can I hold your hand?”
Amy! Of course he can… but “can” he? This is the question to ask!
Grammarian: You’re right! Thank you for the correction.
©2022 by Amy Dickinson distributed by Tribune Content Agency
